Friday, December 27, 2013

Number with Alzheimer's

My mother has an old friend Helen who she went to school with. Helen did not have children and is still living alone at home but now has Alzheimer's. Since just before Christmas she has been contacting me and telling me about some of the things that have happened. She obviously needs support so I have contacted a case worker at the Alzheimer's society to try to organise some help for her. Unfortunately it is a difficult time of year to organise these things.

Today I put a DVD on for George and left a big morning tea for him.

I went and got Helen and took her to see Mum. She was shocked at how Mum has deteriorated. Mum was asleep for most of the visit but drank her milkshake and so did Helen drink the one I got her. Helen had taken in a present and was trying to waken mum to open it without any luck. Mum did open her eyes at one point and reach out to stroke Helen's hair and face so I think there was a glimmer of recognition.

On the way home I took Helen shopping. As with George this takes a long time. Helen has a lot of difficulty with her ATM card but with me there to help we managed it.

I talked to Helen the whole time about how having someone to help and/or support would just make her life easier. Until she gets some help I will obviously have to ring and check and go and take her shopping - she does have some trouble answering the phone I have found (same as Mum and George) and obviously holds the wrong end to her ear at times.

Raced home to get George some food and for me to face the mess here.

Staying in your home town has definite disadvantages!

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Christmas Day

I think that I was successful in making Mum and George happy for Christmas Day.

My highlight was Skyping and watching my grandchildren opening their presents, wonderful.

I took George to the home with me with Mum. He ate two Christmas lunches!! I did not have Christmas dinner as I am not able to cope with eating in the home; just watching them feeding puts me completely off food. George enjoyed them. Mum was awake and wanting attention so she was very happy with all the attention lavished on her. I had got her a lot of bits and pieces which we looked at and I talked about them. I also took in a whole lot of Christmas trees with little lights in to put on the tables for the residents to look at - they all love them. Mum ate her lunch with obvious enjoyment so that was good.

One of the things I bought her was a little hand held massager which I ran up and down her arms which she also enjoyed. We were with her for about 3 - 4 hours so she got lots of attention. I also took in presents from our family for some of the caregivers - they really like to get these. One of the caregivers I do not particularly like but gave her one as I felt it was diplomatic.

I have had castors put on Mum's lazyboy chair so she can use that one rather than the ones in the home as hers is so much better.

We called in briefly to see some friends of mine and then came home.

George was thrilled to hear from all of his sons that night; one via Skype and the other two via phone.. One had just moved into his new home and had George's ex there for Christmas so George was also able to talk to her. George is so pleased he is financially secure with a new house and lots of overseas travel.

Mum and George both seemed to enjoy their day.

Monday, December 23, 2013

Christmas

I always loved Christmas, it was a really special time for me and, like dad, I always felt it was the time for families to be together.

Unfortunately I have found over the years that it has lost it's meaning for me. I think it started the Christmas when dad was dying. I found it very hard and I tried so hard to make his Christmas as special as I could. Of course the following year was also extremely sad as it was the first year without him and I knew it would be difficult for mum. I tried my best to make it happy for her. Luckily my son was there also to help with the Christmas feeling so it was not all on me.

Some years before he died dad went and got me a special gold and crystal bracelet for Christmas which I loved. Unfortunately someone was helping me tidy up and threw it and some other jewellery out. It was my fault as I had taken it away and just put it in a plastic shopping bag as I thought that no one would expect to find jewellery in something like that (safe??? I thought). I left it on top of a case in the garage so I would know where it was. I just hope that he knows how much it meant to me and how devastated I was to lose it. I have found that I have lost so much with others 'helping' and not asking me about some of the things. Someone else wanted their son to live in our old house and said that they would help me with the clearing out. A hell of a lot of stuff was just thrown out and I was horrified to find that a pommel off an historic fencing foil was thrown out. I have the foil, the cockle and the pommel together on a couch and when I went to get them found that the cockle and foil had been moved and the pommel thrown out!! Those are just two of the instances of important stuff going out as others do not have a clue of their value. I can't say anything as people think that they are doing the right thing. When I asked about the pommel I was asked how was she to know and she was sure she wouldn't have thrown it out!! That is the same with the jewellery. Neither has turned up.

Five years later my son and his family moved here and we had three lovely Christmas's which was so wonderful being able to go to his home to be there when the children opened their presents.

Two of George's sons has sent him a Christmas card. I ensure that both Mum and George  have presents and I try to make them feel special and I help them open them.

How much either George or mum now understand about Christmas I do not know but again it is something I do my best to ensure that they are able to enjoy something. I hope that when dad is looking down at least that is one thing he approves of that I am doing.

This is just because I often find my life is lived in a vacuum. I am also aware of the large number of people who have very little at Christmas time due to their financial circumstances and others who are dealing with a death. Tonight on the News we heard about someone dying due to a bar fight. Imagine the Christmas his family is having. Others are killed in traffic accidents. I just hope that others stay safe and have a lovely family time.

Saturday, December 21, 2013

Trying to keep this place tidy

Over the last fortnight I have been flat out getting George to all the places he wants to go, going to see Mum and trying to get parcels away for Xmas. Unfortunately one of the people who go to see mum has not been in for a fortnight so I have gone to see her on those days too.

The house and gardens do not get done properly. Today I thought I would do that and stay home!! George likes to go out every day for a  coffee and something to eat. When he is like this it is easier to do it although that takes one to two hours. We went down this morning and I have been trying to put things away. He continually gets more out. I often feel like I am going round in circles.

I had clothes ready for the new week yesterday. I now find two clean shirts are gone!! He put them both on as pyjama shirts last night. I have tidied out his wardrobe and drawers again today and he had two pyjama shirts hanging up as shirts. I do put his pyjamas on but that does not mean he will stay in those each night.

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Going going gone...

Something that is really difficult and time consuming to deal with is things going missing.

Yesterday George caught the bus home from Brighton. I was not there when he got home. The next day he needed his stick. I spent ages looking for it. Nowhere to be found. I have rung the bus company but no luck. He later showed me a parcel that he had bought. This happened while I was getting tea. I told him to put it into the bedroom. This afternoon he wanted it. Again I have spent a long time looking for it with no luck.

While I was looking I found two pairs of pyjama pants stuffed up into the top of the wardrobe, I had been looking for these s I guess that is something.

Monday, December 16, 2013

Toilet issues

Last night George urinated all over the bathroom floor so that was my first job this morning. The toilet seat and the floor in the toilet have poo skids all over, second job! I now find that there are poo marks on the duvet, guess what the third job is and wouldn't  you know it, it is raining today.

I have to go to mum today. This morning I am having flowers delivered to her so I hope she enjoys them. I have also bought two big vases for the flowers. This afternoon I also have to go back to the home as they are having a family afternoon. My day is full on although I will go out and find somewhere to park and reds for a while. Some people may think I am lazy but I find that I have to be very adaptable and I spend a lot of time just cleaning up after George which most people don't realise. Other careers have the same problems!

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Toilet paper

I still haven't worked out what he does with it....

Toilet paper; I took a new roll into the toilet this morning. Next time I went in there 3/4 of the roll was gone. I tend to buy a lot of toilet paper.

At the moment Mum is sleeping during the day and awake at night. One of the people I usually get to go in didn't go in this week (ear ache one day and having new carpet laid on another) so I went in for the extra times as we are trying to get her awake during the day so she sleeps at night. Apparently she lies and chats away to herself. Maybe she is seeing her family at this time, I do not know.

Today I went to mum while George was visited with a friend and then I picked him up. He loves gossiping with others. Today they talked about the 1972 rugby tour George was on.

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Made it

I did make it to the prison in time and so have been inducted to be a volunteer out there which was a relief.

George went to Brighton on his own yesterday and safely got there and back using the right bus stops so that was a relief too. He likes to be able to do this and I don't want to have to stop him just yet.

Today at his club I found out that another man he has made a close friend of has now gone into permanent care which George will find sad. I am not telling him as the two of them have been gravitating to each other for some time and look for each other. His wife is applying for a Government subsidy but if she does not qualify for it she will need to bring him home. They set up family trusts some years ago and she is hoping that she has it right. I will be interested in how she gets on. We will never qualify which is a worry as the partner still has to live and pay their own bills. What you are left with is very little. You can have:

a house
a car
up to 115000 in investments or in the bank

Not a lot when you consider that as well as the fees for the home there are a lot of extras that they need. It costs me quite a lot each month for mum. In addition you have the running of your own home and car as well as a standard of living. On this there is not a lot for any luxuries and certainly travel would be out of the agenda.

Of course this is what a couple can have left. For a single person it is minus the house and car. We are very lucky that Mum was living in her flat as had she still been in her original home everything would have had to be sold and then the money used for her care which of course would mean that the capital would rapidly deplete.

Friday, December 6, 2013

Time for me

I do try to have time for things I would like to do but it is easy to say but the reality is a bit different. Other people have very interesting ideas about how I can manage juggling all this. For example I have volunteered to go to the prison to teach reading. (It is something I believe in doing and I think that everyone who is able to should give back something to the community through voluntary work.)

The induction is this week and they will not let you in if you are late. There is no flexibility for the day or the time.  I will be cutting it very fine as I also have to work around the caregiver and then drop George at his club before setting out for the prison... If I don't get there in time I will have to withdraw as this is the only time that they run these sessions. This is the sort of thing that happens that makes me very aware of how alone I am and how everyone else's needs come first. Unfortunately all our friends work and I no longer have any family here so I do not have anyone to call on to help.

Today I went tot the home to spend time with mum. I dropped George in Brighton so he go for a coffee and morning tea. He caught up bus home but got lost in Rocking Horse Road. Luckily someone I knew saw him and brought him home. I am going to have to try to stop him going on the bus. It looks like I may not be able to leave him on his own at all.

Sunday, December 1, 2013

Sleeping and eating

Although George is not to the same point as Mum he spends a lot of time eating and sleeping.

I need to get him breakfast, morning tea, lunch, afternoon tea and tea. He will also look around for supper.

He often goes to sleep on the couch.

This morning when he got up he had on, a hat, two jerseys (inside out) and a pair of undies. He came into the lounge looking for socks. I just leave him and it gets sorted when he has his shower. Instead of saying anything I get his medication, coffee and breakfast.

Don't sweat the little stuff.

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

What do you put on your cornflakes?

Yesterday morning I put George's cornflakes out ready for him. Luckily I watched him. He got out a ready mix bottle of gin and tonic. I was able to stop him and he got out the milk when I told him to and put those on...

He went to his club for the day while I went to see Mum. She was asleep while she drank a chocolate milkshake and then she woke up and stayed pretty alert while I was there. I did her hair as she enjoys that and then massaged her hands. I have bought some lavender oil to do that. We chatted about the old days,looked at videos and I read nursery rhymes.

Sunday, November 24, 2013

The layered look

This morning George was up at 4.30 (before that as he woke me then). He had clothes on over his pyjamas. It is warm here. He had on long john, thermal underwear, under his pyjamas. Over the top of his pyjamas he had on one pair of pants and two shirts, including one flannelette one. I left it so that the caregiver could use some of the clothes when he had had a shower.

I put his cornflakes in a bowl. He poured hot water over them resulting in some awful looking stuff. I got him to get the milk out of the fridge and got him some more cornflakes.

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Demanding

Something I find is that people with Alzheimer's  are very demanding with regards to your attention. An example of this was today when George wanted to know the names of two old All Blacks who were in the 1972 tour with him.. At the time I was in the garden and he came and stood there until I left what I was doing to come inside and turn the Internet on. Once I looked the two names up he then got me to write down all the names for him.

Mum has always been like this too. I remember that she wanted a new dresser which we then went and got. I took it out of my car and put it in her garage. I said I would get my son to help me with it. He said he would help next weekend which I told mum. I then went down to bee her and she was getting all the bits out of the box. I had to revise what I had planned to do and build the dresser while mum watched offering advice as I did it.

Friday, November 22, 2013

Dressing

During the weekend George does not have any come in to help him dressing etc. this morning he woke up late and came out wearing his pyjama pants with a pair of shorts over the top! I had to go to see Mum so I got his breakfast, put on a DVD for him to watch while I was away.

George eats a lot all day. I also left him two plates of biscuits and cake as well as a large cake of chocolate. He had eaten all of it by the time I got home. I then got him lunch...

I have asked people who deal with those with Alzheimer's if they find the hot weather effects them more and they have all said that it certainly does so it is not just my imagination that George is more confused.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Confusion

At the moment George is very confused. Last night he wanted a movie on. I put one on which had some of his favourite stars including Audrey Hepburn. He could not recognise any of them.

We have received voting papers. George insisted on looking after these papers. Last night he went to get the papers and brought me back a piece of scrunched up toilet paper.

He woke at 4.30 am and told me that he wasn't putting up with this ant more - The Star was scooping The Press and he had to do something about it. I told him he could but he needed to go back to sleep just now. He was extremely agitated about The Star scooping their stories!

Sunday, November 17, 2013

The Little Green

Thank God for the Little Green!

Last night George got up to go to the toilet. I was asleep. This morning I found that he had piddled all the way down the hall and, of course all over the toilet floor.

Guess what my first job was this morning!

All I can think is that he took his pants off before going out of the bedroom.

He has been pretty confused most of the weekend although he had a long and lucid conversation with an old friend on the telephone and also followed a rugby game on T.V. with great clarity. You just never know what the next hour will bring.

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Fairies

There are fairies at our house...

This morning all the cutlery was mixed up in different drawers. Things regularly go missing and I need to hide things so George doesn't put them in with his stuff. Often I find my clothes in his wardrobe; one morning I found him trying to put on some of my jeans - he was able to get them up to his knees.

This weekend he has been very confused all weekend. I therefore took him out for coffee after I had visited Mum on Saturday and then again today. Every time I go out he wants to come and always expects me to take him for coffee and some food. In his own way he is very like Mum - they are both very demanding with attention. One night this week he woke me up to tell me about a film he had seen.  I cannot say that I was particularly interested but you have to concentrate on what they are saying.

Today he dressed himself. He had on pj pants with track pants over the top (inside out), a pj top and jersey over the top. I redressed him before we went out...

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Different cultures

Was talking to a friend recently and we were talking about the attitudes of different cult ures towards the elderly. In many cultures the elderly are respected and looked after within the family.

In our culture this is often not the case. Now many families are spread throughout the world and have their own lives to lead which can mean that many elderly people have to cope without family members. It is such a shame both for the elderly and many family members who often do not know these members of their family very well. Even those with Alzheimer's have things to offer their families. Don't forget to have patience and to spend time with other members of your family, it is through doing that that you may learn a lot about yourself.

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Confused

Each day is different when you are dealing with someone with Alzheimer's.

Yesterday George was in a confused state most of the day. When he is like this I need to just accept that I am going to need to devote my whole attention to him.

Interestingly while we were driving we heard that an old rugby player had died. This was someone George knew and also interviewed but he told me he had never heard of him. George used to be known as the great rugby brain.

That night he was finally less confused and told me all about this person!

Sunday, November 3, 2013

Getting dressed

George has a caregiver to help him shower and dress each week day morning but often tries to dress himself first. This morning he had on a jersey - inside out and a pair of trouser - also inside out but with a belt around them. He changed the trousers for a second pair - right way on and then changed them again for a pair of pyjama pants...

The caregiver is wonderful and takes no notice and just takes him away to shower and dress.

Saturday, November 2, 2013

Signs of Alzheimer's

I have noticed that when George is showing more signs of confusion than usual it is when his bottom lip goes slack. I have noticed this on many of those with the disease. At times like this it is very difficult to leave them alone.

George has been like this most of the weekend. He often sits and goes through papers, pulling stuff out, cutting things out of magazines and papers to add to his piles of stuff. He also requires being fed at regular intervals; for example he needs at least half a dozen biscuits or several muffins for morning and afternoon tea as well as a proper lunch and tea. His arms and legs are extremely thin although his torso is not.

Today I was out mowing the lawn. After I put the mower away he went and got it out again for me to mow the lawns (helping me!!). He had left a pair of socks on the sofa in the lounge and I asked him if they were dirty and if so to put them in the washing machine for me. I then saw him stuffing one sock way down inside the other; why I am not too sure.

Mum is now very thin although she is still eating well. She is no longer able to walk or stand and sits in a chair all day. Often she stays asleep while I am there although she eats with her eyes closed. Other times she is awake and alert. At times she will have a lucid moment but these are few and far between; most of the time she garbles as she has lost most of the language. She appears to listen and likes me reading nursery rhymes to her. Some days her eyes are glazed but other days they are focused on what is happening and on you. Unfortunately when she is alert she also becomes anxious and grabs at things and at you.

Friday, November 1, 2013

Watch them...

Each morning I get George his coffee,put out his pills and put his cornflakes on a bowl.

Last night we had some friends around for drinks and nibbles.

This morning instead of milk George had put red wine on his cornflakes.

Friday, October 25, 2013

Confusion

This morning George was very confused. He had his cornflakes for breakfast and then started looking for 'flat things'. It turned out that this was rice bubbles. His confused behaviour continued and I also knew I could not drop him in Brighton today as the coffee shop he goes to is not open. I did not feel happy to leave him home so asked if he wanted to go to mum with me. He just loves going out all the time so immediately jumped at the idea. I went to get milk shakes at Burger King but they did have any. Went to Wendy's in the mall. Very crowded in there but finally got one. I had to also get one for George. People with Alzheimer's are very egocentric, some say like little children but it is a lot more than that.

Mum was very asleep today and only opened her eyes once however I was able to feed it to her with a spoon. She also sucked away on her chocolate which she loves.

George asked me about some of the people and I explained to him that they all have Alzheimer's. He has only a vague understanding that basically he is looking at his future. This is why I am reticent to take him with me but I suspect that it might not be long before he needs someone around.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Be patient

I find that you have to be very patient when caring for those with Alzheimer's. For example a typical morning today. I had a lot of things I needed to do today. George woke before me this morning,not good. The kitchen bench was a mess. He had tried to get his own breakfast. He had got the sugar bowl which was half full of sugar. He filled it with cornflakes and then filled it with milk, overflowing all over the place!

After getting dressed (with the caregiver) he was ready to go, but no! He changed his shoes,wanted gloves (very hot day), and various other things.  It is impossible to hurry him. He was always incredibly slow but now...

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Memory

Something I have been lucky to have all my life is a good memory (not photographic - as a child I remember thinking this would be advantageous for exams). Quite a few friends I went to school with will email or phone me with queries and they always say how I had a good memory and they know that I will remember. I have always found it strange that people don't remember when they start talking about it.

I am not sure why this is. I know that some people have very selective memories and only remember what they want to remember or what is most advantageous to them. Just like two people can be involved in the same event but have a very different perspective on it.

Others 'do not clutter their minds with trivia'...

George had a good memory for sports facts and about games he had watched as well as a good general knowledge. I wander if this is helping him now?

I wander if this will help to stave off Alzheimer's? I haven't found anything to support this but it would be interesting.

Mind you having said all that I do find that I am rushing around everywhere trying to get things done and organised and tend then to dump things of my own down and then can't remember where I have put them!!!

I organise something and then am out in the garden or mowing lawns or tidying another part of the house and the next thing George has stuff everywhere again so it starts again. This is called 'multitasking' on my part - trying to please so many people and feeling like I am pleasing none.

Friday, October 18, 2013

Loss

I lost my cat this week which was very distressing. I was not going to  get another one but realised that I need one - someone I can talk to and love which does help with the isolation I can feel at times. I was lucky to get one who had been with a elderly woman who had since died so this cat no longer had a home. Obviously she needed a home without other animals or children. She is settling in well.

George is pretty much the same. He loves to socialise so really doesn't like just staying home which frankly I need to do a bit more to get the house and gardens done (as well as trying to deal with people re the property issues) - while I do this he will slump on the couch and go to sleep.

Something I have found with those with Alzheimer's (both Mum and George anyway) is that when they want something they want it now... I have therefore found that no matter what I am doing I need to stop it and attend to those needs first.

George has been losing language and when he is describing something he uses his hands:

e.g. he was describing something to eat

long and green thing (showed a length with his hands)

Me: Bean
no
Peas
no
Asparagus
Yes that is it

I find more and more I need to guess which is something I have had to do with mum for ages now. It can get very frustrating for them and in particular mum would get upset if I didn't know what she wanted to say.

Another thing is follow you around, talking (and wanting a response), while you are trying to get work done. This happens frequently - George loves socialising...

Friday, October 11, 2013

The future

One of the friends George has made at various Alzheimer's groups is Tom. Tom and his wife Jane came to New Zealand to be with their son and grandchildren.  Until recently Tom was able to drive and the two of them coped very well at home.

Unfortunately they were out walking and Jane fell over. She knocked her head and died... (I guess another earthquake tragedy as this was due to the rotten state of the footpaths). She was buried this week. Poor Tom is feeling very lost. The son, who lives in Rangiora with his family, does not want Tom to be living there. His daughter flew from the UK for the funeral and doesn't want to take Tom back with her. He is not able to be safe on his own especially at the moment. He is being put into a Home tomorrow. It is so sad as he is losing so much at one time and being put with people he doesn't know.

It is so interesting how many people do not have family support to enable them to live in the community for longer. This is what would happen to George if something happens to me and it is what will happen to me.

One thing I fully realise and am grateful for is that mum did not have to go into a home earlier as she was living next door to me.

All we can do is take one step at a time.

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Doing something for yourself

It is important to have 'me' time as a caregiver. Unfortunately I am in the situation where I have the two people with Alzheimer's (one in a home) and no other family here. Many of my  friends have left Christchurch or are still working. I do have coffee with friends when they are available.

I am going to volunteer to teach reading to prisoners to enable them to read to their children. I feel passionate about this as research shows that children who read with their fathers significantly helps with their reading. It also means that I can feel as though I am doing something useful.

Saturday, October 5, 2013

Don't turn your back

I have to watch everything very carefully. George eats everything he can find. Today I was defrosting some shrimps for tea (luckily cooked). I was out in the garden, came in to find him eating his way through them!! This happens all the time. I find that I have to hide things more and more (he goes through all sorts of places however).

He loves his Harakeke club and looks forward to going each week which is great. By the time I take him there and pick him up it does not give me a lot of time for myself but every little is appreciated. I also go to visit mum while he is there.

He still drinks quite a bit and because he was told about 'red wine' he doesn't understand that that actually means all alcohol. He therefore thinks it is OK to drink any other alcohol. He generally drinks about a bottle of white wine a day or 2 or three premixed gin and tonics.

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Post script to Father's Day

That night George's youngest son rang from Auckland. George was really thrilled to have heard from two of them. George's youngest son is heading over to Sydney again to visit his brothers who live there. So sad to think that George is not going to be able to be with them all at the one time.

Saturday, August 31, 2013

Father's Day

George was thrilled today to get a phone call from his eldest son for Father's Day. I have left Skype on in case one of them wants to Skype him. He really loves to hear from his sons and eagerly waits for any phone calls or Skypes from them. They may not realise it but it is so important to him.

On Friday I took him to see our friend who is recovering after major surgery. When we left the friend said he really looks forward to Friday when we go and visit so that is lovely and it also makes George feel as though he is able to do something.

On Friday he told me that he needed a hair cut so I told him that I would take him to Brighton on Saturday morning on my way to see mum. He was up and ready at 5.30 a.m.! It was actually quite difficult to keep him occupied until shops etc would be open - he kept making his way out to go and catch a bus! I had to keep explaining that the shops would not be open yet. I had to get him to take his pyjama top off and put on a shirt.

When I am working on housework or gardening George spends a lot of time sleeping. This is something mum does too. Both of them have developed really sweet tooths - something that neither of them had before. Mum now eats porridge - she would not have a bar of any milk products before...

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Stay one step ahead

I try but it is not always possible. If you are not supervising all the time all sorts of strange things happen.

George cannot open a milk bottle so I try to remember to do this before I put it in the fridge.


George's attempt to open the milk bottle.

He cannot open a can of drink using the tab. If I am not around I find all sorts of things on the bench afterwards where he has tried to spear it open (sometimes succeeding).

When I put new toilet rolls into the toilet area I need to start the roll before I put them into the container otherwise half the roll goes in his attempts to use it.

Last night he watched the rugby. This morning I found two new packets of cornflakes on the sofa (open). He thought that they were chips.

Today he has been rummaging through his wardrobe trying on trousers. He told me he had only one pair that fitted as he was too fat. He only 'had a pair of undies on under these ones'. I asked what else he needed on under them and he seemed to think he needed another pair of trousers.

Friday, August 16, 2013

The future

Mum is now sleeping most of the time and is no longer mobile. She has little language left but still has lucid moments. It is really distressing watching someone deteriorate little by little. When I come home I am aware that this may be George's future.

Today when I came home he was sitting watching TV with his hat and gloves on - both of which he wears all the time (sometimes to bed). He had also pulled out DVDs and had them in little piles all over the lounge floor.

One morning recently I noticed a glass of coke on the bench. Something made me suspicious - rum and coke which he was drinking about 8 in the morning. He had some cans out in the garage....

Another woman from the Alzheimer's group was telling me her husband who is still pretty alert is spending money online like it is going out of style. He has obviously been the contoller in the relationship and he won't listen to her. He is spending 5000 each month!!

Monday, August 12, 2013

Busy

Things have been rather busy lately. I went to Auckland for a weekend to see family so George went to Beckenham Courts. They are being remodelled and so they put him in a serviced apartment which was lovely and he really liked that.

He has just started going to Harakeke club twice a week. He really enjoys the club but has only been once on the second day when there are other people. He wasn't so sure that he liked that day. He went today and had a really good day. Tonight he described what he had for lunch - which he said was nice. "Peas and orange things"
"Carrots"
"Yes, and a thing like this" He made a circle with his hands. It was some sort of meat but not sure what. I do a heck of a lot of guessing as he knows what he wants to say but can't find the words.

His eldest son, who he hasn't heard from for ages, rang on Sunday night and he talked about the phone call most of the day on Monday. I think with busy lives people forget how much those little things mean, like staying in touch.

Friday, July 26, 2013

Confusion

Lost another jar of coffee by George filling it with water.

He often becomes confused with things. Tonight, as I am tidying up he was getting his clothes out ready to have a shower with his caregiver - he thought that it was morning!! He has no idea of days of the week or what is on each day. I have to tell him many times througout the day and I cannot tell him things in advance or he will consistently get ready each day until the event happens.

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Socialisation

George loves having people around to socialise with which is why he enjoys the Harakeke club. Last night an old colleague from his newspaper popped in unexpectedly which was lovely. This man now lives on the Gold Coast and was checking on his property here in Christchurch. He and George had a long conversation going over old times which George loved. It was really lovely for George to see him.

Friday, July 19, 2013

Rest Home

I often feel as though I am running a rest home. George likes me to take him out as much as possible - to cafes etc. I also spend a lot of time cleaning after him, especially the marks on the carpet. When we are at home he sits (with a hat on - he wears a hat and gloves all the time) on the sofa and watches DVDs while I do the housework etc.

Luckily I got the lawns done this week but it has been bitterly cold for lawns and gardens.

When he is sitting watching DVDs or looking through books he waits for me to feed him - breakfast, morning tea, lunch, afternoon tea and then finally tea. Unfortunately he is inclined to make a mess.

Every time he gets a drink that is a new glass - I find glasses all over the place.

Today is one of the days I go to visit Mum. I don't want to take George with me as it is hard enough to deal with one of them. Today when I came home he had been attempting to make some toast - it had burnt black!!

When George goes to Memory Group an old friend of mum's attends the same group so I take her home and stop to take her to places she needs to go on the way. She tells me that her god-daughter lives close and also takes her. I am well aware that there will be no one to help me with any of these things and I will have to go into a home at a much earlier stage than either mum or George and even then there will be few people to come and visit me.

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Caregivers

My God I don't know what I would do without him. The person who comes to help George dress on Mondays, Tuesdays and Fridays is a fund of knowledge on so many things relating to people like George.

I told him this morning about the soiling problems over the weekend and he told me about this carpet steam cleaner which is for small areas or for upholstery. He has lent it to me and it is fantastic, I am absolutely amazed. It is called a Bissell.

Guess what I am going to buy????

Saturday, July 13, 2013

Toilet issues

George now wears adult diapers at night and a pad during the day. Most of the time this works for the most part although I usually need to wash the toilet floor each morning and clean the toilet frequently.

On Friday night he went to the toilet after I had gone to bed (and was asleep). He didn't get there in time and so there was poo on the toilet floor which he then tried to clean up. He smeared it all over the floor and the carpet in the hall. This is extremely difficult to clean up and it is everywhere. I put him in a shower and of course the shower was also covered with poo and took some time to clean up.

I know that he is embarrassed by this and tries to clean it up but it makes it a thousand times worse. I have now told him that he is not to try to clean it up. Last night was fine.

I have ordered a steam mop for carpets and hope this will help me with the cleaning.

I can only cross my fingers that I can sort this out.

Sunday, July 7, 2013

Night time

There appear to be times when George gets up during the night and I don't wake. This morning I found that his shoes were inside his slippers so he was wearing the two at once. When he woke this morning that is what he puts on.

On Saturday, when I got home from visiting Mum, I found George in the garage waiting for me. He had been to Brighton and done some shopping. He thought that he had left his shopping somewhere. I asked if it was in the bus stop (thinking of the bus stop in Brighton). He kept talking about the bus stop but didn't really know. I got him into the car and started driving towards Brighton. A little bit down the road he said 'That's where it will be'. He was pointing to the bus shelter GOING to Brighton. I said that he would have been there when he was going to Brighton but he insisted on getting out and looking, nothing there. Got home and there in the pantry was his shopping bag!!

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

dressing

George got up and put trousers on over his pyjama pants (he often does this). And then he put his undies over top of them!!

At night I get him into his pyjamas before I go to bed. He usually puts on trousers, a shirt, a jersey and a jacket on over the top before coming to bed.

Today he went to Harakeke club which he really enjoys.

Saturday, June 29, 2013

Morning

In the mornings I give George his pills, his coffee and put his cornflakes into a bowl so he can add milk when he is ready.

This morning he woke before me. He

  1. poured himself four cups of coffee
  2. put corn chips in a bowl with milk and ate them
I need to organise things for him.

I am trying to get him to start putting things away. He brings out all these cuttings, magazines etc and spends a lot of time cutting out and pasting in - I brings out a huge amount and litters them all around. It is very difficult to confine him to one area and they are littered all over the place.

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Grazing

I find that both mum and George like to graze on food all day. George makes  a huge mess and I also have to get him all his meals and morning and afternoon tea. Apart from that he loves to change clothes and go through old cuttings and papers. It is very hard to keep things tidy. The mess he makes on the carpet is incredible. I try to get him to eat in the dining room but ...

Today (so far) he has changed his sox 4 times...

On top of that yesterday the caregive put George's pad from the night before in the washing machine which then got washed as I foolishly did not check what he had done - another hours of cleaning out the machine.

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Independence

I try desparately hard to try to keep George as independent as possible. Today I took him to the bank where the girls are really good with him. We have discussed this as George has no idea of money so they don't give him too much at any time. We then went to the Super Market where he wanted to buy some things (including wine). He was away for a very long time and left his walking stick inside there (I went back to get it).  I asked him how things went and he said

"bewildered'

I asked why. He couldn't find what he wanted on the shelves (He was not too sure what he wanted) and thought that they had rearranged the shelves.

It takes a lot of patience...

Sunday, June 23, 2013

Alcohol

George was told by the hospital and later by our doctor that the red wine he was drinking would make his condition worse. He stopped drinking red wine but has replaced it with white wine and spirits. He keeps it in the garage and pours it into coffee mugs so I won't know. We had a guest staying recently who did the same thing. Luckily George does not get verbally of physically abusive with alcohol and in fact it is very rare to see him drunk - he holds his liquor well in that respect. Not so good for him medically however.  Something however that does happen (as it did just now) is that he has more problems than usual going to the toilet necessitating me to clean the floor again.



Saturday, June 22, 2013

Changing clothes

Something that George has been doing for a while now is changing his clothes several times during the day causing a lot of washing. One of his caregivers suggested to me that I take a lot of clothes out of the bedroom so he doesn't have the selection and may not do it so much and also that way we know what is clean as the clean clothes are away and just bringing out as they are needed. Good idea...


This morning I went to Sumner for a quick cup of coffee with my son (who was down from Auckland). When I left George was in bed. I returned an hour later to find George ready to take himself to Brighton. He was wearing his pyjama pants and had also put a jersey over this pyjama top.

Friday, June 21, 2013

Toileting issues

I am finding it difficult to get George to get used to wearing the pads. One morning I found that, during the night he had got up and gone out to the lounge where he had taken the pad off and left it on the sofa. It is ensuring that he doesn't do this sort of thing. He is still inclined to take them off and then piddle on the toilet floor. I have to clean the toilet floor every morning. At least I have stopped him going in the bathroom which he has done. It is things like this (which have been going on for the last 2 years) which make me so reticent to take him away. At least by putting him into a home while I am away is sensible as they are geared up to cope with it.

We were supposed to go to Memory Clinic today (which he enjoys) but it was cancelled due to the awful weather here at the moment. Many parts of Christchurch have had snow although luckily we haven't; however it has been bitterly cold.

Friday, June 7, 2013

Good old George! The night before last we got his diapers on (under PJs) ready for bed. In the middle of the night he woke wanting to go to the toilet. What does he do???

He takes of the diaper and his PJs and wanders down the hall to the toilet piddling all the way - big mess for me to clean up in the morning.

People suggest that the two of us go away for a weekend etc - this is one of the reasons I am very reticent to do so (this is not the first time!!) as I would worry all the time.  Of course the other reason is financial.

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Harakeke Club

George goes to a club each Tuesday. It is for people with Alzheimers and has a big waiting list so he was very lucky to get in. He really enjoys it and spends a lot of time chatting to the other people there.

I have picked up his incontinence pads which will be a help. These are very expensive to buy and I was really grateful to George's caregiver (who helps him with showering) for telling me to get on to the doctor to refer him to the clinic. This way you get (free) a monthly amount.

I was talking to someone today about how life changes so quickly without any warning. Two and a half years ago a round of voluntary redundancies was offered. I decided to take this so that I could look after mum and she could stay at home. I worked out my finances and decided that, with care, I could just afford to do this. I had a freehold home and knew that, so long as I did not splurge out we could do this. Now we are in situation, due to the earthquake, of paying rent and as well as a lot of other unforseen expenses. Of course also mum's Alzheimer's progressed to a point where it was longer possible to keep her at home. I think of the things I had planned to do when I retired and cannot see any of these things happening in the near future; if ever. I guess things will work out in the end but it is not easy when you are on your own and overseeing two people with Alzheimer's. Sometimes I think that most of my life is tied up with doing things related to this disease.

Sunday, June 2, 2013

Incontinence clinic

We went to the incontinence clinic last week and George has been given pads for daytime and pants for night time.  I go and pick them up in town each month.

This weekend I spent a couple of days in Auckland with family which was a welcome break. George went into the home for a few days.

Sometimes I find it difficult to juggle all the things I need to do for mum and George for example the Home just rang me and Mum has to be at the hospital at 8 a.m. in the morning and they wondered if I wanted to take her in!! I have to get George to his club that morning at 10 so I am unable to be in two places at once. The home are going to send a staff member with her.

Saturday, May 25, 2013

Incontinence

I am taking George to the incontinence clinic this week to see if we can get help with the cost of the adult diapers that he needs to wear every night. The cost soon adds up and with all the other expenses it is not easy. I am now needing to clean the toilet floor every morning - he has both bladder and bowel problems now.

On a positive side, mum was pretty lucid while I was with her yesterday and knew me - said my name as soon as I arrived - this is a real improvement. She is using a big walking frame and is managing quite well with help from staff.

Isn't ironic that with looking after both mum and George there will be no one to look after me.

Monday, May 20, 2013

Language

Poor George, it is interesting how he is losing language especially as this was so important to him. Luckily he does not get too frustrated yet but he can spend ages trying to find the words he wants.

He has always been slow but he is becoming slower.

One of the people he has always got along with is Jim. I always thought that Jim was higher functioning than George but last Friday we were at memory group and so were Jim and his wife. I was talking to his wife who was in a real state. Her doctor, PMH, the people at Alzheimer's and their family have all told her it is time to get him into a home. Her health is suffering with the stress caused by looking after someone with Alzheimer's and he can become aggressive. Luckily, at this point, George is not aggressive.

It has been a very stressful month for me however as Mum had a fall and broke her hip ending up in hospital. Both of my sisters came over for a week each to visit mum daily while they were here. What with one thing and another I am feeling rather exhausted and under the weather. Oh to be able to spend a day in bed trying to get over this flu I seem to have got; I am doing the lemon drinks and going to bed early.

Monday, May 13, 2013

Where am I going?

Last night George woke up in the middle of the night. I suggested he might need to go to the toilet so off he went. On his return he sat on the side of the bed. I told him it was the middle of the night and to come back into bed. He told me he needed to tell me where he was going first. Of course I asked where he was going.

'To England'.

'To England' I replied.

'Yes' said George. 'I need to get a taxi'.

I told him that there were no taxis as it was the middle of the night and he got back into bed and back to sleep.

This morning he said he was off to England.

Quickly I told him what was happening today and got him off the England idea. Originally I thought that it was him having dream but maybe not!!

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Another funeral

Poor George; one of his best friends died on Friday - early hours of the morning. They had been friends for over 60 years.

Saturday morning; got ready for the funeral.
Sunday morning; got ready for the funeral.
Monday morning; got ready for the funeral.

The funeral is Tuesday afternon. He just gets so confused and then it does not matter how many times you tell him he still goes back to whatever he thought. For example this morning I had to stop him having a shower before the caregiver arrived. He was convinced he was going to the funeral today. No matter how many times he was told he insisted on putting on a white shirt and tie. He kept telling me all day that he is going to the funeral today. I keep telling him it is tomorrow. Half an hour later we start again...

I find this a difficult disease to work out; George's memory in most ways is not too bad and he can carry out a good conversation at this stage. His cognitive skills are rapidly declining however.

Saturday, March 9, 2013

Son's visit

George had a visit from his youngest son yesterday afternoon. They went out and looked around the container shops in town. He loves to see family and had not seen his son since September so he was really happy although a little tired when they got home.

 He got his son to buy him some gin and tonic cans. He is no longer able to open cans himself thank goodness as he asked me to open one for him at 8 this morning...


The problem with alcohol is that he becomes more confused and is also more likely to have toilet problems. His doctor also told him that if he continued to drink the way he was it would kill him.

Sunday, March 3, 2013

falls

I am not too sure what to do about this one. George tends to rock back and forwards in bed at night (and pull the sheets and duvet off me).

Last night he rocked and landed on the floor!! It took me quite a bit to get him back to bed and luckily he was not hurt but it is something I need to watch out for.

Saturday, February 23, 2013

Time

Poor George.

On Thursday he found that a former work colleague had died. The funeral is on Monday and I am away working for the day. I organised with someone else to take him. We went over this several times.

Friday morning he spoke about the funeral so several times I explained that it was not being held for several days yet. He got out a white shirt and tie to wear when his caregiver came. I explained again. He still put on the white shirt, tie and a hat. I took him down to Brighton for coffee and also explained (I am not sure how many times) that the funeral was not that day.

Saturday he repeated similar things all day despite me going over about when the funeral is. In the afternoon I found him sitting on the bed with a very unhappy look on his face. I asked what the matter was:

"no body took me to the funeral"

He was quite upset so we had to go over it again.

Today (Sunday) he keeps going back to be for half an hour thinking that it is bedtime. I have explained since early this morning about what is happening tomorrow and I have written it all out on a piece of paper which seems to give him a sense of security.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Nights

George has trouble at nights.

Last night he got up in the middle of the night and I found him asleep (on a sofa) in the lounge. Got him back to bed.

This morning (early) he got up and came into the lounge holding himself and going "ooo, ooo". I asked him what was wrong and he said he was busting. I told him to go to the toilet which he did and went back to bed. I then went into the toilet to find the floor again needed cleaning and he had put a pair of pj pants and a pair of underpants in the toilet.

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Sunday

This morning George woke early. He does not have a caregiver on the weekends and he has showered and dressed (and shaved and done his teeth). Today he has coped really well - this does not mean to say that it will be that way tomorrow. He also went out to get the Sunday paper before I woke so he didn't actually ask today what day it was.

He is having a good day. It is so strange how the days can change so much.

With this disease it is best to have a regular routine and things to remain the same (as much as possible) and this gives the sense of familiarity and so they know where they are and where things they want are.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Downward spiral

George is now at the stage where every morning I need to scrub the toilet and the floor in there. I leave lights on but he still does not get there in time and so there is urine on the floor and of course there is also all the washing resulting from this.

He is also drinking gin again although thankfully not too much; a glass a day (I think).

Yesterday he went to Brighton on the bus so it is great that he is still able to retain some independence. I am trying to clean out our house and of course George is no help and I find that when I get home to the flat he has pulled clothes out of the wardrobe and drawers so I have to then clean up here too.

I HATE HOUSEWORK AND CLEANING!!!

He has absolutely no idea of time and asks constantly throughout the day what day it is. Although his short term memory is fine in some ways he is not able to retain this information.

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Drinking

George wanted to go on the bus on Friday while I was doing a bit more cleaning out in our old house. He bought himself some wine and while I was working up there he drank a bottle.

On Saturday I had to go to Mum so he drank another half bottle and finished it when I went to bed last night.

Result: he has done something to the toilet seat and I will need to fix it - it is no longer on straight and slips down to one side. Poo on the toilet floor again! I am finding I am having to scrub the toilet floor most mornings now; I am not sure what he does but he may drop the paper on the floor and then pick it up to put in the toilet.

Friday, February 8, 2013

Coffee again

I was working on cleaning out our house (a huge job) which I do little bits at a time. Came down home and...

George had put a jar of coffee down the plug hole in the kitchen!!

Explanation:

"I thought it looked funny"

It was a new jar of coffee.

Thursday, February 7, 2013

toilet issues

At night George appears to get confused when he gets up to go to the toilet. He has been in my sponge bag, on a dining room chair, in the bath and on the floor in the bathroom. I leave lights on all night to try to eliminate this. I am honestly not sure why. It may be that he does not wake properly but this is the biggest reason why I would not take him away anywhere.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

What an odd disease

What an odd disease this is. George has no idea of time at all. His caregiver took him out for coffee and he returned home at around 3 p.m. I was working on the computer while he was watching TV. Next thing a neighbour came in to tell me that George was at the bus stop! I raced down there and brought him home. He was off to the bank (it was about 5 p.m.). I explained to him that it was too late in the day and the bank would be closed, I don't think he could work that out.

George is still able to hold a good conversation and knows everyone and also about what is happening in the world. His short term memory is also good so he is high functioning here although he can no longer write very well at all. He also struggles and is unable to cope with envelopes.

Last night he used a sponge bag (in the bathroom) to go to the toilet in...

I do find it gets very demanding on my time. He also uses a different glass all the time and often has 3 or 4 glasses lined up on the coffee table. I have to search around to find all the glasses and coffee cups. He tends to pull things out and never puts things away but leaves piles of things all over the house.

Friday, January 25, 2013

Back again

I have been rather slack lately with my blogs as so much has been going on.

George is coping quite well still in many areas although not in others. The other day he changed his clothes five times during the day. He gets very tired during the summer and has been going to have a sleep in the late afternoon.

When something is not going quite right for him he starts moaning which is rather disconcerting as you are never sure what the problem is. He just goes 'ah ah...' and has difficulty articulating what the problem is.

Last night we had friends round for a drink. I had bought a bottle of wine which George opened. At the same time he opened another one which I had been given as a Christmas gift. After the others had left he continued to have a few more wines. This morning he got up and went and got the paper. The only problem was it belonged to the neighbour. I got him to take it to their place. He came back and went back to bed and back to sleep. I found that he had poured himself three cups of coffee!!

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Assessment

A woman came to assess George yesterday. She is from Health care who organise various things to enable people to stay in their homes as long as possible.

She told George he needed to clean his teeth and that he had missed parts when shaving - he was pretty uptight about her as he has always been very fascidious in his personal care and this has been a difficult one for him now.

She obviously doesn't know about how to treat those with dementia and not to sweat the small things...