Time Frame

Often I am not sure what time frame we are in. You often feel like you are in the middle of a Dr Who episode.

From: https://wall.alphacoders.com/big.php?i=44447 

Today George was very excited to see me and tell me of the adventures that took place last night. A group of young men were suddenly told to do something - I was unable to fathom exactly what it was. They were then suddenly told to stop. Through questioning George told me he was one of the young men. I suspect it was when he was in the army reserves after the war. George wasn't too sure about that one. This conversation took over an hour and there was no way George was going to be side tracked. I just go with it. 

Yesterday he also had had night time adventures when a little man in my team had done something wrong. He wants me to explain things to the little man. Despite questioning I couldn't figure out who the little man but have promised to explain about appropriate behaviour to him.

Money flies!

Once you have a parent or spouse go into care you will notice that money flies out of the window and honestly it flies out quickly.

Our economists have worked out how much people need to save in order to be able to have a good standard of living once they are retired.  Unfortunately this makes no difference for the carer. In New Zealand our Government helps with the fees when assets reach less than one fifth of what the economists recommend you need for retirement. Unfortunately this means that carers will not have the retirement life style we all dream of, for example travel. We will always be in the position of needing to watch every penny. Unfortunately more and more of us will be in this position. I must have been very bad in a past life to have been responsible for two, very costly.

Luckily George has dodged the illness in his home - fingers crossed! He is eating well but still very frail. When he first went in he often went out for a walk, not now! Carers in the home take the residents out for a walk when they want to go. They also have a nice garden area to go outside to wander around or sit in the sunshine. We have been having a very mild winter with lovely warm days.  George certainly feels the cold and wears a lot of clothes. This seems to be the same for a lot of the others too.

The up and down world

I am so pleased that George was so lucid last weekend with his son.

Yesterday, after going to his club, George was not sure that he was in the 'right house'. Very confused and got more so during the day. This is a reality that caregivers face - things change very quickly

Great news, I have finalised with the insurance company about the earthquake damage (after 5 years) and so next year the repairs and renovations to our home will be done. With the renovations we are putting in new (disabled) bathroom, this is essential when a person is incontinent. Can't wait!!

Son's visit

George's son arrived on Thursday night in the middle of a storm, poor buggar was soaking wet. George got a huge surprise and was really thrilled. I had some food ready for him which he was pleased about. The two of them have spent a lot of time chatting about old times which is great. It has been lovely for me to have him here too and have someone to relax with and chat to. We have been having some really good chats and enjoying each other's company.

We have been to Sumner, Lyttelton and the new cathedral. I love the cathedral and it moves me each time I go in it. George's son felt the same.

Today they have gone to Akaroa for the day which is lovely as it gives me some me time - just had a spa and will have a soak in the bath. I have a red wine stew in the slow cooker for tea when they get in.

Had some toilet issues last night and luckily was changing the sheets today instead of yesterday (which I normally do). The continence pants saved to some extent but certainly not all.

Yesterday at Mum's home, they told me that she no longer displays Alzheimer's behaviours and should be in a general hospital level of care. I told them I did not agree and gave a lot of reasons why. To move her and the people she knows is just plain cruel.

Made it

I did make it to the prison in time and so have been inducted to be a volunteer out there which was a relief.

George went to Brighton on his own yesterday and safely got there and back using the right bus stops so that was a relief too. He likes to be able to do this and I don't want to have to stop him just yet.

Today at his club I found out that another man he has made a close friend of has now gone into permanent care which George will find sad. I am not telling him as the two of them have been gravitating to each other for some time and look for each other. His wife is applying for a Government subsidy but if she does not qualify for it she will need to bring him home. They set up family trusts some years ago and she is hoping that she has it right. I will be interested in how she gets on. We will never qualify which is a worry as the partner still has to live and pay their own bills. What you are left with is very little. You can have:

a house
a car
up to 115000 in investments or in the bank

Not a lot when you consider that as well as the fees for the home there are a lot of extras that they need. It costs me quite a lot each month for mum. In addition you have the running of your own home and car as well as a standard of living. On this there is not a lot for any luxuries and certainly travel would be out of the agenda.

Of course this is what a couple can have left. For a single person it is minus the house and car. We are very lucky that Mum was living in her flat as had she still been in her original home everything would have had to be sold and then the money used for her care which of course would mean that the capital would rapidly deplete.

Confusion

This morning George was very confused. He had his cornflakes for breakfast and then started looking for 'flat things'. It turned out that this was rice bubbles. His confused behaviour continued and I also knew I could not drop him in Brighton today as the coffee shop he goes to is not open. I did not feel happy to leave him home so asked if he wanted to go to mum with me. He just loves going out all the time so immediately jumped at the idea. I went to get milk shakes at Burger King but they did have any. Went to Wendy's in the mall. Very crowded in there but finally got one. I had to also get one for George. People with Alzheimer's are very egocentric, some say like little children but it is a lot more than that.

Mum was very asleep today and only opened her eyes once however I was able to feed it to her with a spoon. She also sucked away on her chocolate which she loves.

George asked me about some of the people and I explained to him that they all have Alzheimer's. He has only a vague understanding that basically he is looking at his future. This is why I am reticent to take him with me but I suspect that it might not be long before he needs someone around.

The future

One of the friends George has made at various Alzheimer's groups is Tom. Tom and his wife Jane came to New Zealand to be with their son and grandchildren.  Until recently Tom was able to drive and the two of them coped very well at home.

Unfortunately they were out walking and Jane fell over. She knocked her head and died... (I guess another earthquake tragedy as this was due to the rotten state of the footpaths). She was buried this week. Poor Tom is feeling very lost. The son, who lives in Rangiora with his family, does not want Tom to be living there. His daughter flew from the UK for the funeral and doesn't want to take Tom back with her. He is not able to be safe on his own especially at the moment. He is being put into a Home tomorrow. It is so sad as he is losing so much at one time and being put with people he doesn't know.

It is so interesting how many people do not have family support to enable them to live in the community for longer. This is what would happen to George if something happens to me and it is what will happen to me.

One thing I fully realise and am grateful for is that mum did not have to go into a home earlier as she was living next door to me.

All we can do is take one step at a time.