Sometimes you have to laugh

I have been going to a group for people who have just put someone into care in a home. I have met some of these people previously at other courses.

Today was the last day of this course but we are going to meet together as it is really good to talk to people who are walking in similar shoes, others may think they know what it is like but the reality is that they don't.

One of the women, Jane, has put her husband into a home. He loves it and thinks it is a hotel. That is lovely but the downside of this is he regularly accuses her (in front of everyone) of running a brothel so she can pay for the 'hotel'. As I said to her today, maybe I need to work for her to help pay for George's care. 

It is good to be able to laugh at things.

Out we go

George was not dressed when I got to his home today. The carer gave him a shower while I had a coffee and did the sudoku in the morning paper. I must say the carers are very efficient. One of the carers had broken his brush. Another carer has lost the blades out of his electric razor (these are very expensive). I must say that many of the carers just put the broken things away and do not mention when they are broken, very annoying.

As soon as George was ready we got ready and left. I made arrangements for his lunch to be held for him.

George asked how I knew how to open the main door. I told him I was magic! He liked that. He was able to open the car door and get into the car without any help. As we were going down the road the first thing he did was open the jar of peppermints to get a couple. I have always kept a jar in the car for George and Mum and it has always been the first thing they do when they get into the car.

We went to a local mall where he had a milkshake and a bowl of chips. He throughly enjoyed them. I asked if he enjoyed going out.

'It's spooky' was the reply.

Despite further questioning I am not too sure what he meant.

I bought a new hair brush for him while we were there.

When we got back I settled him for lunch.

He had a lovely time but I expect he was pretty tired after his outing.

Going out helps to give a quality of life.

Sweet tooth

Something I have found with both Mum and George is that developed a sweet tooth. Mum always enjoyed a wide variety of foods while George always preferred savoury foods. After developing Alzheimer's both developed a real sweet tooth.

I was reminded of this yesterday when another wife visited her husband. She promised to take him out for an ice cream on Wednesday, he just loves going out for that ice cream.

I always have chocolate with me. Mum and George both love sucking on chocolate. Don't know how many cakes of chocolate I go through but it is a fair few.

I have always ensured that they have plenty of fizzy drinks such as lemonade and ginger beer. In addition to the juice the home gives them this keeps the fluid intake up. Both have been prone to urinary tract infections so this is important.

While Mum was borderline diabetic frankly I didn't take much notice of that. She loved going out for coffee and pavlova.

Quality of life...

Seeing the dementia person as a 'real' person

Today George and I read one of his books and talked about all the memories this brought back.

I scanned many photos which I have used to publish books for both Mum and George. The first book I published was for Mum. I didn't put in that book who all the different people were so really I was the only person who could use that book with her. One of my nieces wanted that book. I made both Mum and George large 100 page books. Before putting the pictures into the book I put the photo into PowerPoint then used text boxes to put on each name, I then grouped everything and saved it as one picture to put in the book. This meant that they could read the names themselves or others could point out who the people were. When I put the pictures into the book I would often also add a caption. These published books are high quality and there are many companies on the web where you can go to make these books.

This photo shows Mum's grandparents, her mother (Rose) and her uncles and aunts. 

I have found too that staff in the homes love these books. Seeing these makes staff (according to the research) view the residents differently. Another thing that helps this process is telling staff small anecdotes about your loved one's life. The research points to these residents being treated better.

Ups and downs

i find that George is constantly up and down. On Tuesday and Wednesday this week he was so lucid and then the last two days very confused and sleepy. I am really reticent to take him out at the moment as he is so slow and frail when walking. I am wondering whether just to take him for a drive to feed the ducks when he doesn't need to get out of the car.

Today I bought a big Boston bun and a pineapple sponge car for them all to have for afternoon tea.

As I have told the nurse there 'quality is more important than quantity'. I just want George to have the best quality of life that is possible. I also felt the same for Mum as was known in her Home and I also did the best I could to ensure this happened.

A gentle day

We are having the most wonderful weather, very mild even though we have just passed the shortest day of the year. The ski fields haven't been able to open, lack of snow. I am not moaning.

I have been enjoying sunrises and sunsets up at the old house. I have missed these so much. I enjoy watching them and thinking of my loved ones.

George's name tags arrived on Monday (I couldn't find the other ones - packed away) so I have been getting stuff named for George. As with Mum I take in body wash for him. People in homes seem to go through it very quickly. I seem to need to get a new bottle every week and I get very large bottles.

Same as with Mum I am taking over bottles of drink so he gets plenty of fluid. Mum loved raspberry, lemonade, ginger ale, lemon and padrona, and tonic. George has the same tastes. George and Mum got on really well so it was nice for both of them. It is so nice for in laws to be as close as George was with my parents.

George was pretty lucid today which was great. We had a great talk about some of his friends and the things they did. He is currently on a course of antibiotics as he had a urinary infection, this causes people with Alzheimer's to become very confused.

I am gradually getting some things sorted and made a trip to the dump today, every little helps.

Settling in

George is settling well into the home. He is very much up and down. On Sunday he was really down. His mouth was slack and he was asleep most of the day. As he has vascular dementia as well when he is like this I wonder if it is a mini stroke. Then the next day he was a lot better and very with it. He improved even more and now he is walking better as well as being far more aware of what is going on. I have spoken to staff and have taken some red wine so he can have a glass when he goes to bed at night. He is thrilled about that.

Something I am noticing very much is that I am only now starting to grieve. When Dad died my focus was on keeping Mum going so she didn't feel alone. I know I succeeded as she told me. She then moved next door so I kept everything going on an even keel for her and George. Then I had Mum in the home, George as well as the earthquakes to deal with. Now for the first time I need to look after me. I guess it is the first time I have had the time to grieve. It is so much to grieve for - Mum, Dad, George as well as the earthquake losses. It can be quite overwhelming. I knew it would happen but I had thought I was handling things well.

It all happens at once

the last few weeks have been so busy, now I have time to catch up on a few things.

George stayed in the rest home after his respite care. He is well looked after there and is happy. When this happened his son, from Sydney, came over and the three of us spent three great days going out together. George just loved it and continued to talk about his visit for some time after the visit. He was a great help to me to sorting out some of George's papers for me. It is a visit George's son will also treasure.

I have been visiting most days. Sometimes it is only a short visit other days we go out for coffee and he enjoys a toasted sandwich. Some days he is very confused and has no idea who anyone is or what is going on, other days we look at his books and he talks a lot about things he did. He is getting very fragile and I am not sure how much longer I can take him out. We would be in a lot of trouble if he falls.

The flat is packed into boxes and is stored in our old house and garages. I have set up a bed sitting room in our old house. It is nice and warm which is important. Also I can check on the builders.

I allowed someone to live in the old house rent free for a year and I must say he was very reluctant to leave. Prior to that I allowed another couple to occupy it rent free for two years. Of course I had to pay rent and the property owners costs for the flat. That helped to pay Mum's fees in the home. I am now having to pay for George. Since the earthquakes I have been caught between rocks and hard places. Of course all of this has seriously eaten into my investments.