Guilt

Mum's visitor yesterday found mum very upset about being in the home and me dumping her there. Unfortunately people with Alzheimer's do not always realise that there is anything wrong with them, Mum certainly doesn't. She wants to be out of there and in her own home, she does not realise that she couldn't cope. It makes you feel very guilty at having put them into a home. She does tell me frequently about dumping her there and that she will never forgive me and while I know that it is emotional blackmail it is very difficult to deal with.  I also have to face the fact that George will reach this stage although I do not know when that will be.

I find it very difficult visiting mum when she is like this as I get quite worked up before I go. While I am with her I am on edge all the time trying to keep the conversation going about all sorts of things ready to try to pacify her when she starts telling me about 'dumping her'. When I leave her I feel worn out which is silly really as I haven't really been doing a great deal. I am also aware that mum has more visitors than most as we have organised that someone goes in to see her or take her out every day so there is not a lot more I can do.