Decisions, decisions, decisions

I have been patiently waiting for alterations and repairs to be done to the property we live in. We have been waiting for over five years. During this time George's Alzheimers has progressed a lot as can be expected.

Last year I realised that it means that George and I, along with all property, have to leave the property for at least six months. George has to go into a rest home due to his condition and his incontinence. We will be paying big time for this.

I have been very worried about how this will affect George's condition. I arranged so that when it happens George's routine will continue as much as possible.  This has been done with the expectation that I would be bringing him home.

However I now think that this is unrealistic.

I have recently been told that his disease has progressed to a point where he will no longer be able to attend his club.

George is going in to respite care so I can do some packing, it is impossible with him around!


For the last two weeks his regular caregiver has been on leave so he has been having a lot of relievers. While some are good others are not. As a consequence it has been a difficult two weeks for me and George has been extremely confused. It is in the lap of the God's as to whether George will be able to come home after the six months. Increasingly it is looking less and less likely.

Downhill slide

It is becoming More and more obvious that George is going downhill. He often seems to bounce back a bit so we shall see.

Yesterday he went to his club and had a lovely day. It was a very hot day. Last night he did not have much of his tea. After tea he slumped in the chair. When it was time to go to bed he found it very difficult to get out of his chair. We had to help him up. He needed to use his walker to slowly be guided to the bedroom. He was totally confused and relieved to get into bed. Once there he enjoyed his wine and a movie.

We shall see what today brings.

Changes

Now that Mum has gone things of course change dramatically for me.

After Mum died everything was organised very quickly and I just felt shell shocked by it all however it meant that all of her daughters were here as well as her two oldest grandchildren and everyone was then able to return to their other commitments.  When Dad died it seemed to be a longer time but that would probably because no one came until after his death and of course time blurs your memories.

I do know that it will make a huge difference to me financially ( from day to day living expenses ) as the cost of the home is certainly not your only expense if you want your loved one to have a quality of living, I admit this has not been easy but it had to be done.  I will have more time as I will not be going into the home to see her or take her out. I won't have to pay for others to go and see her. I won't have to reorganise schedules when one of these people needed to change their day. I will not have to handle her finances. I will not have to take calls from the home about anything that happens. I won't have to be ready to drop everything to go to her if something happens. These things I just incorporated into my life. Carers do these things willingly, without thought. It is only when they are no longer there That you start to realise just what you did. It does leave a huge hole.

Last night I was getting things ready for this morning and suddenly found myself in the garage with a bottle of sparkling raspberry and a bottle of body wash in my hand ready to put them in the car as usual. I realised what I was doing and why so with tears streaming down my face I put them back. Little things like this keep happening and making me realise she really is no longer here. At times like this I go and sit down with my thoughts and just remember her. I always feel that if you talk about them or think about them then they are not truly gone but a part of them is still here guiding and watching.