As I mentioned in another post I learnt how to put the duvet into the duvet cover. Here is a video showing how to do it.
Sunday, June 28, 2015
Tuesday, June 23, 2015
Another learning curve
In 2010 came our first big earthquake followed in February 2011 by another when there was a loss of many lives and destruction of our city. Between these two major earthquakes ( 4 months ) I had made the change to retire early to look after my mother then my mother suffered a sacral fracture
The earthquake destroyed our house and a lot of the contents.
Before she got Alzheimer's Mum ensured that everyone knew what she wanted to have left in her estate. As one of those with an EPA and the only one here I knew that I would need to financially look after her as well as her own income in order to pay for the home, ensure that the estate was as she wanted and that I provide the best level of quality of life for her that I could.
Then came the second earthquake where I lost my home and many possessions. I was just so relieved that everyone here was OK and felt that possessions meant very little.
It was at this time that I became aware that George too had Alzheimer's.
I also felt really relieved as my sisters and I had an agreement that the money I spent here on my mother they would use an equivalent share over in Australia to buy Xmas and birthday presents for their families from me and in return things I did here was from the three of us. It was great knowing that they had plenty to buy some great gifts for them, their children and grandchildren each year. This was important to me as it meant that the families all knew I thought of them at special times and family is important to me.
I admit that initially I just panicked as I knew that I no longer had a source of income to sustain all this but in a strange way the earthquake gave me the perspective to know what was important so I ensured that Mum had the best quality of life she could have under the circumstances and was able to ensure that her estate was actually in a better situation than she expected.
What made me think of this? Well I have just been reading an article discussing some research about rich people and how they perceive money. It was very interesting and certainly made some valid points such as many of these people lack empathy for the plight of others and feel that everyone can be in their position if they only worked harder...
The research also found that the wealthy are more likely to cheat and lie.
I admit that initially I was very worried about my own future and how I would manage as I knew it was my investments that I was eating into. These of course I had saved for my retirement. However after I got over thinking of my future I decided it was more important to give the two of them the best quality of life I could and let the future take care of itself. I am so pleased I did. I know that I carried out Mum's wishes during her illness and in death to the best of my ability and morally that was important to my well-being as well as knowing she would have been pleased.
The earthquake destroyed our house and a lot of the contents.
Before she got Alzheimer's Mum ensured that everyone knew what she wanted to have left in her estate. As one of those with an EPA and the only one here I knew that I would need to financially look after her as well as her own income in order to pay for the home, ensure that the estate was as she wanted and that I provide the best level of quality of life for her that I could.
Then came the second earthquake where I lost my home and many possessions. I was just so relieved that everyone here was OK and felt that possessions meant very little.
It was at this time that I became aware that George too had Alzheimer's.
I also felt really relieved as my sisters and I had an agreement that the money I spent here on my mother they would use an equivalent share over in Australia to buy Xmas and birthday presents for their families from me and in return things I did here was from the three of us. It was great knowing that they had plenty to buy some great gifts for them, their children and grandchildren each year. This was important to me as it meant that the families all knew I thought of them at special times and family is important to me.
I admit that initially I just panicked as I knew that I no longer had a source of income to sustain all this but in a strange way the earthquake gave me the perspective to know what was important so I ensured that Mum had the best quality of life she could have under the circumstances and was able to ensure that her estate was actually in a better situation than she expected.
The research also found that the wealthy are more likely to cheat and lie.
I admit that initially I was very worried about my own future and how I would manage as I knew it was my investments that I was eating into. These of course I had saved for my retirement. However after I got over thinking of my future I decided it was more important to give the two of them the best quality of life I could and let the future take care of itself. I am so pleased I did. I know that I carried out Mum's wishes during her illness and in death to the best of my ability and morally that was important to my well-being as well as knowing she would have been pleased.
Money is not as important as you may think.
Tuesday, June 16, 2015
Developing empathy and understanding
Yesterday I went to a seminar at Alzheimer's Society on legal issues relating to caregivers and what they need to ensure are in place. Of course this varies from country to country ( in some places from state to state ).
Before the seminar began a group of us were chatting. While I do not have any family members willing or able to spend a night or two ( or longer ) others do. This woman was telling us about their daughter who has frequent contact with them but is a bit of a control freak and of tens tells her mother that she is imagining the problems or tells her what she should be doing - the type who is always right. Anyway for the first time she recently s told her mother she would come and stay for the night and sort it out. Wisely the mother went and slept at the daughter's flat. The daughter thought this would be a walk in the park!
Early next morning daughter rang and woke her mother up. She told Mum to come home...
Mum told her that was not the deal and she wasn't coming home until 10 a.m.
Daughter left that day with greater understanding about Alzheimer's and greater empathy for her mother. Prior to this experience she thought she knew all about it.
Before the seminar began a group of us were chatting. While I do not have any family members willing or able to spend a night or two ( or longer ) others do. This woman was telling us about their daughter who has frequent contact with them but is a bit of a control freak and of tens tells her mother that she is imagining the problems or tells her what she should be doing - the type who is always right. Anyway for the first time she recently s told her mother she would come and stay for the night and sort it out. Wisely the mother went and slept at the daughter's flat. The daughter thought this would be a walk in the park!
Early next morning daughter rang and woke her mother up. She told Mum to come home...
Mum told her that was not the deal and she wasn't coming home until 10 a.m.
Daughter left that day with greater understanding about Alzheimer's and greater empathy for her mother. Prior to this experience she thought she knew all about it.
Sunday, June 14, 2015
Another thing I have learnt...
Empathy and understanding...
Caregivers will find that these are often sadly lacking for those with Alzheimer's as it is such a difficult disease to deal with. Some in the medical profession have made it an area of specialty but not many. The same may be said of nurses. A patient with Alzheimer's who has to go into hospital often deteriorates over this time due to the lack of understanding with how to deal with the patient who is so confused and becomes more so often resulting in anxieties which may not have been present before.
Friends and family try to be supportive but often at a distance. Many just want to 'remember the person as they were' and would rather not have a lot to do with the person or limited contact. This does not necessarily mean they don't care but just that they don't know how to react or sometimes simply that they have other things going on in their lives so don't want to deal with it. Others are frightened of the disease due to a lack of understanding of the disease. Of course this is not everyone but unfortunately it does include a large number of the population. Part of this is due to ignorance. It is a disease that is difficult to understand as it is not the same for any two people. I found my young grandson who stayed earlier this year was actually the best. He is 8 years old and just treated everything as being normal especially his dealings with George, they just continued as normal and George really responded to that.
I often find things vary from day to day while at other times from hour to hour. Strangely enough you will also get people who think that they know more about how to manage your life than you do. As it is impossible to know as it changes so frequently this advice rarely holds water. From bitter experience I have learnt not to argue or discuss it but to let them give the advice and feel that they have done their bit and then just go on to manage to fit the situation. Until you actually live with someone with Alzheimer's for a prolonged period of time you actually have no idea. It is no wonder that caregivers can become isolated as often it is only people in the same situation that can understand what it is like and others really don't want to know.
Many people try and have a conversation with a person with Alzheimer's and they treat them as a child. This comes out as condescending and is not appreciated by the person, they do know and do want to be treated as a normal human being. Mum used to get very frustrated with people treating her like this.
Best way to deal with people is to smile, don't argue and let a lot of the advice roll over you although do listen as some ideas may have merit.
Caregivers will find that these are often sadly lacking for those with Alzheimer's as it is such a difficult disease to deal with. Some in the medical profession have made it an area of specialty but not many. The same may be said of nurses. A patient with Alzheimer's who has to go into hospital often deteriorates over this time due to the lack of understanding with how to deal with the patient who is so confused and becomes more so often resulting in anxieties which may not have been present before.
Friends and family try to be supportive but often at a distance. Many just want to 'remember the person as they were' and would rather not have a lot to do with the person or limited contact. This does not necessarily mean they don't care but just that they don't know how to react or sometimes simply that they have other things going on in their lives so don't want to deal with it. Others are frightened of the disease due to a lack of understanding of the disease. Of course this is not everyone but unfortunately it does include a large number of the population. Part of this is due to ignorance. It is a disease that is difficult to understand as it is not the same for any two people. I found my young grandson who stayed earlier this year was actually the best. He is 8 years old and just treated everything as being normal especially his dealings with George, they just continued as normal and George really responded to that.
I often find things vary from day to day while at other times from hour to hour. Strangely enough you will also get people who think that they know more about how to manage your life than you do. As it is impossible to know as it changes so frequently this advice rarely holds water. From bitter experience I have learnt not to argue or discuss it but to let them give the advice and feel that they have done their bit and then just go on to manage to fit the situation. Until you actually live with someone with Alzheimer's for a prolonged period of time you actually have no idea. It is no wonder that caregivers can become isolated as often it is only people in the same situation that can understand what it is like and others really don't want to know.
Many people try and have a conversation with a person with Alzheimer's and they treat them as a child. This comes out as condescending and is not appreciated by the person, they do know and do want to be treated as a normal human being. Mum used to get very frustrated with people treating her like this.
Best way to deal with people is to smile, don't argue and let a lot of the advice roll over you although do listen as some ideas may have merit.
Thursday, June 11, 2015
Things I am learning
Being a caregiver for a loved one is a lonely job and you often tend to become quite isolated. Something that is very important is to appreciate the small things. At the moment I am looking after monarch butterfly caterpillars. Our weather is still very mild (and it is winter) so eggs have been laid far to late. I tend to these wee caterpillars twice a day and make sure that they are OK - I even talk to them.
Enjoy nature!
Saturday, May 23, 2015
Dealing with the problems associated with incontinence
On George's bed I have a mattress protector (waterproof) with an old towel and more plastic strips. Unfortunately George's bed can get wet/soiled right through to the mattress protector (these work well). This week I had to wash the mattress protector (and other bedding) twice. I am now putting the mattress protector on the bed with the plastic sheeting on top so that if that gets soiled/wet I can spot clean sometimes rather than wash the whole thing (these take time to dry).
This weekend took George to get his hair cut one day and out for coffee and a chicken and apricot pie. He loves to go out each day and really it is easier to do this otherwise he becomes restless and pulls stuff out and generally makes more mess.
I am noticing he sometimes has difficulty using cutlery. Today he carefully cut the pie into about 8 pieces and then started putting them on the table... I quickly told him that they do not go on the table but go into his mouth. I do need to keep an eye on him.
I was able to get a bit done in the garden over the weekend and filled my bin ready for the collection later this week.
On the positive side: yesterday he went to the toilet successfully (by himself) and there was no mess to clean up.
Everything varies from day to day.
This weekend took George to get his hair cut one day and out for coffee and a chicken and apricot pie. He loves to go out each day and really it is easier to do this otherwise he becomes restless and pulls stuff out and generally makes more mess.
I am noticing he sometimes has difficulty using cutlery. Today he carefully cut the pie into about 8 pieces and then started putting them on the table... I quickly told him that they do not go on the table but go into his mouth. I do need to keep an eye on him.
I was able to get a bit done in the garden over the weekend and filled my bin ready for the collection later this week.
On the positive side: yesterday he went to the toilet successfully (by himself) and there was no mess to clean up.
Everything varies from day to day.
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
The joys of incontinence
Each Monday a public health nurse visits to change George's day bag. These bags are changed weekly.
After the nurse changed the bag she came to tell me that she had not put a plastic sheet on the bed before George sat down. The result was that the comforter was now soiled so I had to wash that.
This morning the sheet was soiled - result was this needed washing.
George has been wearing pull-up diapers for some time now but that does not always ensure that things do not get soiled, you need to be vigilant to check for this. Unfortunately he sometimes tries to use the toilet as well which results in faeces on the seat and floor requiring steam cleaning quickly. I have a steam mop which I keep at the ready. I always keep cleaners and cloths in the toilet at the ready. These are only used in there and are well soaked before washing.
Each morning I take the night bag off, empty it in the toilet and then run the nozzle under the tap in the laundry to flush it out ready to use the next night. I have found that holding the nozzle at a 45 degree angle seems to be easiest to get water to go into the tube.
After the nurse changed the bag she came to tell me that she had not put a plastic sheet on the bed before George sat down. The result was that the comforter was now soiled so I had to wash that.
This morning the sheet was soiled - result was this needed washing.
George has been wearing pull-up diapers for some time now but that does not always ensure that things do not get soiled, you need to be vigilant to check for this. Unfortunately he sometimes tries to use the toilet as well which results in faeces on the seat and floor requiring steam cleaning quickly. I have a steam mop which I keep at the ready. I always keep cleaners and cloths in the toilet at the ready. These are only used in there and are well soaked before washing.
Each morning I take the night bag off, empty it in the toilet and then run the nozzle under the tap in the laundry to flush it out ready to use the next night. I have found that holding the nozzle at a 45 degree angle seems to be easiest to get water to go into the tube.
Saturday, May 16, 2015
Confusion
Poor George is often very confused. He will check in each doorway when he is looking for a specific room (in the flat), he will turn to go down the hall when he is on his way to the car (it is the other way). In the car he can sometimes do up his seat belt but at other times grasps the wrong part of the seat belt and jam it. Sometimes he can open the car at the end of a drive and other times he can't and I have to do it.
Every day George has Breakfast, morning tea, lunch, afternoon tea and finally his evening meal. He really likes his food. What I can't fathom is why he leaves a bit off each biscuit (and often parts of other things too). I have explained to him that he can eat the lot but he persists in this behaviour for no apparent reason.
Every day George has Breakfast, morning tea, lunch, afternoon tea and finally his evening meal. He really likes his food. What I can't fathom is why he leaves a bit off each biscuit (and often parts of other things too). I have explained to him that he can eat the lot but he persists in this behaviour for no apparent reason.
I have learnt to go with the flow....
Friday, May 15, 2015
Birthday
Yesterday was my birthday. As other caregivers will know this doesn't mean much when you are looking after those with Alzheimer's. You always try to make their day special but it doesn't work the other way. George cut out pictures of beautiful women from magazines to give me. So sweet.
George had his club yesterday. On the way to the club I heard, on the radio, about Mt John station. The husband of one of my mother's friends was instrumental in setting this up so I started thinking about Mum and her friend.
I then had an appointment and while I was waiting picked up the paper and lo and behold on P3 was a big article about the husband of another of Mum's friends (now 90) who is giving advice to Nepal over building over there after their awful earthquakes. I knew then Mum was with me.
Later that day I had coffee with a person who worked for Mum and Dad (it was also her birthday). I felt very much as though they were both there all day.
George continues to deteriorate but it fluctuates day by day; sometimes hour by hour. He can be very confused and an hour later be very lucid. As a caregiver you need to roll with the punches.
George had his club yesterday. On the way to the club I heard, on the radio, about Mt John station. The husband of one of my mother's friends was instrumental in setting this up so I started thinking about Mum and her friend.
I then had an appointment and while I was waiting picked up the paper and lo and behold on P3 was a big article about the husband of another of Mum's friends (now 90) who is giving advice to Nepal over building over there after their awful earthquakes. I knew then Mum was with me.
Later that day I had coffee with a person who worked for Mum and Dad (it was also her birthday). I felt very much as though they were both there all day.
George continues to deteriorate but it fluctuates day by day; sometimes hour by hour. He can be very confused and an hour later be very lucid. As a caregiver you need to roll with the punches.
Wednesday, May 6, 2015
Importantance of caregivers
Unfortunately George's main caregiver was on annual leave for a fortnight. So difficult. I found myself on the phone constantly trying to find out who was coming ( if anyone) and when they were coming. It took hours to sort out and there were times when they couldn't get staff. When a patient is incontinent the carers need to be coming every day, the risk of infection is high especially as he also has a catheter. I spent a day with George in the hospital with an infection. It is also incredibly confusing for George.
He is having more and more very confused days. There are times when he can't find his way around the flat and I have to show him where to go. Other times I need to show him where the table and his meal is. He then likes me to tell him what is on the plate.
Now the caregiver is back I am able to try to try to get some order back as well as trying to get things settled with EQC - very stressful.
He is having more and more very confused days. There are times when he can't find his way around the flat and I have to show him where to go. Other times I need to show him where the table and his meal is. He then likes me to tell him what is on the plate.
Now the caregiver is back I am able to try to try to get some order back as well as trying to get things settled with EQC - very stressful.
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