Happy birthday to me

today was my birthday. Got a phone call early this morning from the boys in Auckland so that was a lovely way to wake up.

I had organised for two guys to help me getting some of our stuff up to the old house. This is giving me some space ready for the next lot of packing. It is taking a long time but I am gradually making headway. When we had finished I took the boys to a cafe for lunch which was nice.

Came home to a phone call from my sister in Brisbane so that was also nice to hear from her.

I then went over to the home to see George. I was going to take him out for coffee but when I saw him I realised it may be unsettling for him. We sat and chatted. I told him it was my birthday. He wished me a happy birthday and then undid the buttons down the front of his shirt. He reached inside his shirt and pulled out a folded advertising booklet which he gave me for my birthday. He was so thrilled with himself that he had that for me. I thanked him and we looked through the booklet together.

I asked him if he would like to go out for lunch tomorrow. He thought that was a great idea and I said we would go to Honeys. He was so excited and said, 'the Honeys'. I told him that yes it was. He told me about some new friends there. He seemed pretty happy and settled which is a great relief to me. Before he came in to the home I had explained carefully what I would be doing and how he would be coming home, this seems to be helpful to him.

I then popped in to the local mall on the way home and bought myself a caramel sundae for my birthday - I rarely have these so it was special.

All in all a pretty productive day.

Celebration Days

these are often difficult, especially when you are the only family member to organise the special things for the day. For a long time now I have felt that responsibility for Mum and John although prior to the earthquake it was wonderful having my son and his family here to share in these special times.

Tomorrow is George's birthday. He will be 82. He knew what he was doing 30 years ago marrying a toy girl...

Today I asked him: what is tomorrow?

He thought for a minute and said:

Monday?

Great stuff, I replied as usually he wouldn't have a clue.

I then asked if there anything else tomorrow.

My birthday, he replied.

I couldn't believe it he had remembered. We have mentioned it several times over the last week.

He had no idea how old he would be. I told him and then said that then he would be a wise old man.

'I already am the wise old man' he replied.

Love it.

We are going out in the morning to buy a cake and he wants Indian curry for tea.

I have got him a rugby book and have also made another book about him but it is still being published so it will be something he will enjoy when it comes. It will also be great for him to take when he is in the home.

Father's Day

For George today it is Father's Day. I took him down to a cafe for Father's Day, now I know we go 2 or 3 times each week but I tried to make it special.

After Dad died I made a special effort for Mum for all the 'special days', especially Christmas and her birthday as I was the only one here to do so. It was great when the grandchildren were also here as that really makes those times, having children around.

Now of course it is the same with George. Yesterday he got a card from one son and a phone call from the other son. I will also try to contact the third son for him soon. He really loves to feel that his sons care. I admit it is really difficult when there is no family around and all your old friends have died or left your city. You need to think  of nice ways to make it special and maybe make new traditions.

Birthday

Yesterday was my birthday. As other caregivers will know this doesn't mean much when you are looking after those with Alzheimer's. You always try to make their day special but it doesn't work the other way. George cut out pictures of beautiful women from magazines to give me. So sweet.

George had his club yesterday. On the way to the club I heard, on the radio, about Mt John station. The husband of one of my mother's friends was instrumental in setting this up so I started thinking about Mum and her friend.

I then had an appointment and while I was waiting picked up the paper and lo and behold on P3 was a big article about the husband of another of Mum's friends (now 90) who is giving advice to Nepal over building over there after their awful earthquakes.  I knew then Mum was with me.

Later that day I had coffee with a person who worked for Mum and Dad (it was also her birthday). I felt very much as though they were both there all day.

George continues to deteriorate but it fluctuates day by day; sometimes hour by hour. He can be very confused and an hour later be very lucid. As a caregiver you need to roll with the punches.

Birthday

George continues to go up and down. Some days he is difficult to deal with due to his confusion. He had his 81st birthday last weekend and I was able to make it enjoyable for him by taking him out which he loves. I made him a large canvas for his birthday with lots of photos on it. One of his friends, from Australia, rang and said to me afterwards that it was like talking to the old George.

Unfortunately we are now back to wearing the onesie back the front as he got out of it twice in the last week resulting in a bed change.

I have a lovely treat on Sunday night when my grandson came to stay for the night.

Sometimes life seem difficult and you feel very alone and when nothing you do or say is right.

First birthday

Today Mum would have been 88. I have been thinking about her all day. Very sad. One of my extended family members realized it may not be an easy day for me and rang very early this morning. That was so nice and I was extremely touched that this person would have been thoughtful enough to do that. I was very grateful. It brought home to me Mum on the first anniversaries after Dad's death. She was totally convinced that certain things would happen although I did try to tell her that they wouldn't. I spent a lot of time with her and took her out on the anniversary of Dad's birth date. The first Christmas was very hard and she came over and stayed at our place after some coaxing. I really put a lot of effort into those anniversaries to help her have good memories of them and to know she wasn't alone. The first two years after Dad's death I went to have coffee with her each morning on the way to work, this helped her so she did not feel alone and ensured that she had something to get up for each day. Something I am grateful for is that I can look back on the time since Mum and Dad retired and know that I was there for them and did the best I could for them which gives me some comfort. I have often thought how difficult it would be then to know that there was something you knew that they wanted from you but you were unwilling or unable to do that. Some people seem to develop very selective memories so that they don't need to acknowledge their actions. You can always rationalize your actions but you know the truth. I do think that is why I so regret the necessity to place Mum in a home knowing she did not want to be there.  As I said to a family member recently you must do what is right for you because you are the one who has to live with yourself.

Yesterday, at lunch time, I found blood in George's catheter bag. This is a sign of infection I immediately rang the doctor's surgery. We were then there most of the afternoon and finally the catheter was changed and tests done. Last night George got the night bag off twice meaning that I had to change him and the bed....

This morning a nurse came  and found he had the wrong bag on. That was changed and she gave me gel to put on the penis for pain every two hours. I am hoping things go well tonight.

I took George to Brighton for a coffee and I just sat and thought about Mum. I did tell George but of course he is pretty confused with things at the moment. I used to take her to this cafe for many years and it is where we also held her celebration. I just sat and thought about that while I was there.

Birthday

George had a great birthday.

On the day before his birthday he had his club where they had a cake and made a great fuss of him. When I picked him up that afternoon and asked how his day had been he said 'excellent'.

On the day of his birthday the carer came and gave him a shower and then he started complaining that he didn't feel well and went back to bed. I gave him breakfast and other food and finally he felt well enough to go and visit a friend where he had an enjoyable time.  That afternoon I took him to the movie which he enjoyed but I had to explain on the way home. We saw Saving Mr Banks which was quite a moving movie.

George was so thrilled with his presents and especially as two of his sons had sent a card and present each. That meant so much to him. One of these sons also Skyped him and they had a long and enjoyable chat. All in all a successful day.

Enjoy the special moments.

Birthdays

This morning I took George for a blood test (we had to wait about an hour for it). When he was asked his date of birth he had no idea at all.

This year it is George's 80th birthday; a milestone Alzheimer's or not. When it was his mother's 80th birthday we had an afternoon tea for her friends and family at our home. When it was my mother's 80th birthday I had a dinner party at my home for her close friends and family including one of my sisters who travelled from Australia for it. This year for George I do not know what I am going to do. Most of his friends are dead or living away and apart from me there are no other family members here. I will have to try to think of something special for him for that day.

It is my mother's 87th birthday next week and both of my sisters are visiting for it so she will have all three of us here this time. I hope that she is awake and able to understand that day.

Birthday lunch

Due to the visitors we were unable to go out for lunch on George's birthday so I took him out yesterday.

I got George to do his exercises but I am going to have to nag over those until he gets into the habit.

We are going to have a look at a day club to see if George would like to go there.

Mum's birthday

It is interesting that when I went in to see mum at the weekend she was extremely confused. She had been hitting out at staff and continually walking around. We sat quietly and had some food and drink I had taken in. The drink was raspberry which she usually loves but she really wasn't sure what it was. She also told me that her cat had died (it hasn't). All in all just really confused. We think it is one of two things

• urine infection
• excitement from the birthday and all the visitors etc

I will see how she is this week.

George is very slow at the moment and seems to feel the cold. He never goes outside without a hat and gloves on - even on a very hot day. He also likes to wear thermal underwear. Mum often complains of cold too so it seems to be something that some of them get. 

Birthday

Early on Mum's birthday she received some flowers from an old friends delivered to the home followed by a parcel in the post - she was really thrilled. My sister and her husband picked her up from the home to take her to a restaurant for lunch. George and I met them there. We had a lovely lunch and she really seemed to enjoy it.  We had to get them to turn off the TV as it was very distracting for her.

We went back to the home. As we walked in her grandson (my son) walked in behind us. He was down from Auckland for work and had combined the two events without telling anyone. What a lovely surprise. Mum was quite tearful when she saw him. My other sister, who lives in Australia, was not able to come over due to work commitments but rang and spoke to mum when we got back - she was able to handle that pretty well with us there to help her. I think she felt really special with all the attention. We went into the lounge for a big birthday cake. She enjoyed all the fuss but when there are a lot of people around she tends to get overwhelmed trying to keep up with it all.She really enjoys having one or two people just concentrating on her all the time.

George enjoyed all the social interactions as well so that was good. My sister and her husband went home early this morning.