Ask a stupid question...

Most of the time, when I visit, George is accepting of what is happening and appears happy. 

This week I nearly burst into tears. 

George was OK when I first went in and we chatted about various things as George had some chocolates. He was rather confused but reasonably happy. He then got up and started walking using his walker.

"Darling, where would you like to go?" I asked. 

To my horror I watched as his face crumbled and he nearly burst into tears as he whimpered, "I want to go home". 

I quickly started talking and saying about how our house was being fixed after the earthquakes. He calmed down and we walked down to the lounge. 

This is the first time he has said anything about home. 

I felt awful for the rest of the day. There are times when it is very demoralizing, very sad. You can only do your best and everyone needs to be safe and well cared for. Unfortunately the time does come when one person is not enough to look after the needs of a person with Alzheimer's. 

Turkey

Today we learnt about the problems in Turkey. My heart goes out to them as well as those in Nice and the USA. What an unsettled time we live in now, maybe it is just as well my finances don't allow me to travel. Since Britain's referendum we here, in New Zealand, have received a lot of applications from British doctors and nurses to come here to live. A lot of New Zealanders are returning home and surprisingly many of our neighbours are relocating here. Part of it is that our economy is not as bad as many others and we are known as a relatively safe country.

George's home is still in lockdown however I still go and see him and ensure he is OK. He just loves those milkshakes. I figure that they are giving him sustenance as well as fluids. I hope they all recover soon. 

Going out

George has been going downhill since going into the home. His mobility is really going downhill. Many days they use a wheelchair to take him to the lounge, a very short distance. When he first went into the home he was using a walking stick. Now he needs a walker and sometimes even that is not an option. This has made going out not possible. I am hoping that things improve. He is very frail. 

He still has a certain amount of short term memory and remembered some friends seeing him yesterday. I go in every day and take in plenty of drinks such as Cranbeery juice, lemonade and ginger beer. Most days I also take him a milk shake - just like I did with Mum.

Settling in

George is settling well into the home. He is very much up and down. On Sunday he was really down. His mouth was slack and he was asleep most of the day. As he has vascular dementia as well when he is like this I wonder if it is a mini stroke. Then the next day he was a lot better and very with it. He improved even more and now he is walking better as well as being far more aware of what is going on. I have spoken to staff and have taken some red wine so he can have a glass when he goes to bed at night. He is thrilled about that.

Something I am noticing very much is that I am only now starting to grieve. When Dad died my focus was on keeping Mum going so she didn't feel alone. I know I succeeded as she told me. She then moved next door so I kept everything going on an even keel for her and George. Then I had Mum in the home, George as well as the earthquakes to deal with. Now for the first time I need to look after me. I guess it is the first time I have had the time to grieve. It is so much to grieve for - Mum, Dad, George as well as the earthquake losses. It can be quite overwhelming. I knew it would happen but I had thought I was handling things well.

It all happens at once

the last few weeks have been so busy, now I have time to catch up on a few things.

George stayed in the rest home after his respite care. He is well looked after there and is happy. When this happened his son, from Sydney, came over and the three of us spent three great days going out together. George just loved it and continued to talk about his visit for some time after the visit. He was a great help to me to sorting out some of George's papers for me. It is a visit George's son will also treasure.

I have been visiting most days. Sometimes it is only a short visit other days we go out for coffee and he enjoys a toasted sandwich. Some days he is very confused and has no idea who anyone is or what is going on, other days we look at his books and he talks a lot about things he did. He is getting very fragile and I am not sure how much longer I can take him out. We would be in a lot of trouble if he falls.

The flat is packed into boxes and is stored in our old house and garages. I have set up a bed sitting room in our old house. It is nice and warm which is important. Also I can check on the builders.

I allowed someone to live in the old house rent free for a year and I must say he was very reluctant to leave. Prior to that I allowed another couple to occupy it rent free for two years. Of course I had to pay rent and the property owners costs for the flat. That helped to pay Mum's fees in the home. I am now having to pay for George. Since the earthquakes I have been caught between rocks and hard places. Of course all of this has seriously eaten into my investments.

You are still IT

Even when your loved one is in a home you are still IT.

Today the nurse at the home rang the doctor's surgery who then rang me. Upshot is I have to take him to the doctor's tomorrow. Of course that will write off the afternoon. George is still going to our doctor.

In the home Mum was going to the doctor associated with the home. Quite a few times I was asked to go in to see the doctor with Mum. You always need to be available for their needs it is not a case of putting them into care and then just going in once a week or once a fortnight. You frequently get calls regarding all sorts of things relating to them and that was even with me in and out of Mum's home like a jack in the box.