A very sad day

Today is a really sad day for Christchurch. Today is the anniversary of the February earthquakes. This happened six years ago and many people died. A new memorial garden was opened for the people who died in the CTV building. This is to be a tranquil place in the middle of the city. Although a lot of work has been done in the city there is still a lot more to be done.

I have been thinking today of what we were doing on the day. From that day things just got progressively worse. We weren't the only ones and many people are still in a state of limbo, hard to believe.

Last night Bruce Springsteen played a concert here and sang 'My city is in ruins'. So touching.

I think that I have just used it as a day for remembering all sorts of things, some good, some not so good.

To night a lovely neighbour brought me over some beautiful whitebait patties, a delicacy here. They were from the West Coast and just wonderful. Just how they should be. Proper homemade ones are so superior to ones you can buy, a lovely end to the day.

What a difference a day makes

As I have been driving around I have been looking at all the cabbage trees which are in flower. According to Maori when the cabbage trees flower early we are in for a long hot summer. I was looking and thinking about a wonderful summer ahead.

I just love these trees and we have several of them on our property. Unfortunately they are a pain to have as they shed their dried leaves and these need to be picked up and put into the rubbish otherwise they get caught in you mower and wreck havoc with them. The leaves can't be composted.

On Sunday a reasonably tranquil day, George loves seeing me each day and some of our friends also called in to see him.

At midnight that night

a 7.5 earthquake struck

I was in bed and was woken up. This earthquake was different from the others we experienced over the last six years. There was no noise and it just rolled back and forth for what seemed and eternity. I was on the first floor. The house

was creaking - due to the earlier damage. I lay thinking "should I stay here or should I go outside". I thought that if I went outside and the house came down I would be underneath it while if I stayed where I was and it came down I would be on top of the rubble. Totally irrational thoughts I know.

We were evacuated until after 8 the next day. I was dressed in a onesie and on my own in the car, not pleasant.

The main damage was in Kaikoura which has been cut off due to road damage. We are all thinking of them and trying to provide the appropriate help for them.

I went straight to George yesterday morning and watched the news about the earthquake with him. He had felt the earthquake but was not worried which was a relief.

I am off to see him soon and then attending a meeting with other carers and the home personnel.

There are certainly a lot of times when it is difficult to be dealing with everything by yourself.

I am hopeful that one day life will continue gently and without incident.

Ask a stupid question...

Most of the time, when I visit, George is accepting of what is happening and appears happy. 

This week I nearly burst into tears. 

George was OK when I first went in and we chatted about various things as George had some chocolates. He was rather confused but reasonably happy. He then got up and started walking using his walker.

"Darling, where would you like to go?" I asked. 

To my horror I watched as his face crumbled and he nearly burst into tears as he whimpered, "I want to go home". 

I quickly started talking and saying about how our house was being fixed after the earthquakes. He calmed down and we walked down to the lounge. 

This is the first time he has said anything about home. 

I felt awful for the rest of the day. There are times when it is very demoralizing, very sad. You can only do your best and everyone needs to be safe and well cared for. Unfortunately the time does come when one person is not enough to look after the needs of a person with Alzheimer's. 

Road works

Our earthquakes started over five and a half years ago. Our roads have not improved much since then. It is still a nightmare trying to find your way around. Often you find that you get to road you want to go down and blow me it is closed... You follow the signs for the detour and often find yourself in an unfamiliar place. Great.

There is also a lot of associated dust with all of this, no wonder there are a lot of people here with respiratory problems, including me. Since the earthquakes I have developed asthma and have breathing difficulties. As the doctor said a certain amount is also caused by stress - something all caregivers face continuously.

The parts they haven't started to repair still need to be treated with care as you tend to go up and down as you travel along. Rather like being on a Rocking Horse.

At the moment I am also trying to pack stuff here ready to move out and finally get our place renovated and repaired. A very costly exercise although the insurance will pay some of it.

It does create problems when I am trying to get George somewhere. I try to leave a good 15 to 30 minutes earlier to allow for the unknown. However I am also reliant on the caregivers being punctual which doesn't always happen. Again I have to cross my fingers and toes and pray.

My heart goes out to the people in Japan.

It starts again...

On the afternoon on Valentine's Day our rocking and rolling started again. George and I were just coming home after going to Honeys for coffee and a toastie for George. We stopped the car in the drive to chat to a neighbour and it hit! A 5.7 earthquake. It was quite violent and certainly gave us a hell of a shock.

On going inside George went straight into the bedroom. I asked if he needed a sleep but no...

He was lying straight on the bed like a little soldier and he thought that was good for earthquakes.

Throughout the afternoon there were more tremors but all smaller and many we did not feel, over 50 all up. Very unsettling and only a few days before the anniversary of the devastating one in February which occurred 5 years ago.

Very funny that night on the news a young boy was asked to describe the experiences of a group who were over at a bay near a cliff that was crumbling. As part of the description he said 'and Lucy nearly pooed her pants'. I don't think Lucy was too impressed as he was on the news again the next night apologising to Lucy.

This week George has been very unsettled and moaning about not feeling well. I suspect it is partly the earthquakes and partly the heat we are having at the moment

The day that changed our lives

Feb 22 2011 was the day that changed the lives of many people here in Christchurch. Two massive earthquakes struck our city at almost the same time. Many people died when buildings collapsed while others were seriously injured. People suffered incredible losses. In our own case I felt as though I was just losing one thing after another. Just before the earthquake I had retired to look after Mum which was of course the loss of my job. Next I had to put Mum into a home, that felt like the loss of my mother with the associated sense of guilt I felt. Then the earthquake which resulted in our home being badly damaged so I lost the house. My son and their family moved away from Christchurch due to the earthquakes so I lost the family who lived here. A few months later George was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, another loss. With no other family member here it really was incredibly difficult to deal with so much in six months. I certainly felt very alone with so much to deal with. Interestingly enough some people showed little or no empathy. I guess it is difficult for others to have any understanding of how a catastrophe like this can effect your life. Someone said to me, " we've got our own lives to lead", she really didn't want to know. These sorts of attitudes make people reticent to share their lives or feelings with others, I find it difficult to talk to others through a fear of being criticised as I was during this time. It is easy to look in at someone else's life and tell them what and how they should do things.   I have found that I do not value money or possessions. Your values do change doing this time. You also learn a lot about other people through their views and actions. There were many times I found myself quite shocked while at other times I found myself very touched by the caring attitudes and actions of others.

The effects of this disaster are still all around us. Our roads are still being repaired so trips have to be carefully planned, you never know what roads are going to be closed and the stretches that have very low speed limits are everywhere. A real problem is that these change from day to day. The major bridge leading from my home into Christchurch was closed for 18 months and is still under major repair. Many people are still living in substandard conditions...

It is really a week of thinking about what we have lived through.