It doesn't take long

George has talked flat out since we left the home, I think they get quite lonely as they all sit in their own rooms a lot.

I quickly had to get back into the habit of getting him things to eat all through the day. He quickly made a lot of mess with food all over the floor and spilling drinks. I do try to keep a mat under him. He does try to go to the toilet but is unable to clean himself properly. I go through a lot of plastic gloves and baby wipes. To help keep baby wipes from drying out put a bit of shampoo in the opening and some warm water, seal back up and then shake around to soak all the wipes. This works well. I go through a lot of these.

George was looking through some photos and was looking at a photo of Dad. He said, 'I really miss your father'. They did get on well and used to tease each other a lot. We had a lovely conversation about it, so nice.

Home again

Got Gearge from the home this morning. Something I really notice about the majority of rest homes is that the residents spend a lot of time in their own rooms on their own. I contrast this with Mum's home where they are all in the lounge and the staff are constantly interacting with them; this is something I value highly.

On getting home we have looked at some of his memory books. This is something I try to do a lot in an effort to ensure that he recognises these people even though he doesn't see or rarely sees any of them. He is now starting to ask me who some the people in the pictures are. Today he asked who one person was? I said, "who do you think it is?' He then said 'he's a bad buggar'. I asked why and he said, 'he tells bullsh....'. There was a pause and he continued, 'he tells lies.' He was very pleased with himself for remembering who it was. I must admit it was very funny and he was almost shouting it when he remembered that, very excited he was.

 It is important to keep looking at pictures of family members and friends and to talk about them as if they are no longer in the person's life they will soon be forgotten.  He does remember the friends he has made at his club which is great.

He still has a bladder infection which I need to keep an eye on.

Lesson learnt

Facebook has its uses but I am very careful about any photos or videos I put up. As you will have seen I do not put up videos or photos of George on this blog as I do not want others to ridicule him in any way. There are photos of George on there, by others, and comments about how he looks now which are certainly not complimentary and mention such things as how he has aged and was using a walking stick. I would not like George to see this. While I don't show him things like this I don't like seeing people doing this sort of thing. Facebook. I would never dream of putting personal comments about a person out there for everyone to see although so many these days think it is acceptable. Unfortunately Facebook is not secure and I am not a fan of putting many photos on and certainly not photos of others. People are welcome to put up photos of themselves.

I found a lovely old picture of George's grandmother which I scanned and emailed to family members; guess where it ended up. I won't be doing that again. Very sad as I have been making small videos with George talking about various things in his life and was going to edit and send them to the family but don't want them ending up on the web.

Papers

George (and Mum did the same) is constantly cutting up photos sticking them on top of each other, cutting bits from magazines and newspapers etc. While he is away I have been going through some of these bits of paper and throwing out ones that are of no importance or have been destroyed (by him). I found a nice photograph of his grandmother which I have scanned and sent to his family members so I hope that they enjoy that one. This way they all have a copy. Unfortunately those with Alzheimer's often destroy a lot of these things, not because they mean to but because they love them to bits.

Visiting

As a child I always worried about everyone else and especially about people being lonely and feeling on their own with no one to care for them. I find that I feel exactly the same at this age. I know that one of the people whose wife was in Mum's home, worried dreadfully that if he died first then no one would visit her. I worry about that for George as really the only person he has is me. Mum is in a similar position although people have been visiting her every day since she went in to the home. I am not sure if this would continue if I died or not. Also her other daughters have come to visit from Australia several times each year. Even though I am no longer sure how much she understands I am sure that on some level she is aware that some one of her 'very own' is there. We were very concerned that she never felt that we had dumped her there.

Today I visited George and we chatted and had a coffee. I also took a Christmas present to a friend of Mum's who also has Alzheimer's and is in a home. She never had children and her husband died many years ago. I have been feeling guilty as I haven't been to see her for a while. Another cup of coffee and a chat. I will try to see her again soon as she was so excited.

Memory

Memory is a funny thing. I am lucky that I have been blessed with a great memory and can go back to when I was a very young child. These memories are clear and factual - over the years I have checked up on these. Some of my friends from school days will often ring me to ask about an event or a person which they have no memory of but I will be able to fill them in on it. It also means that a lot of the time I know when people are not being truthful as I remember about whatever I am asking them. And of course some people have very selective memories where it is to their advantage. It actually took me a long time to realise that others don't have this ability to remember so much. I am hoping it will hold me in good stead in the future.

Something I do regret is not asking Mum and Dad more questions about their families and their lives. I often did not listen carefully either.

George had a good memory for the All Black rugby games and has retained some of this.

Something I find so sad going in to the home to see him and going into the home to the home to see Mum is how some of the residents have few or no visitors especially around Christmas time. For many it must make them feel that they have just been dumped there and that their children don't care; very sad.

Respite care

I took George in to respite care on Wednesday. The people at the home are monitoring him to see if he needs a higher level of care. We had a long discussion about his condition. They will let me know how things go.

Yesterday, Christmas Day, I went to Mum's home and then I went to George's home. He had wanted to stay in bed and they were just about to get him up and dressed for Christmas dinner. He opened his presents. I had got him a big hat box filled with memorabilities about Audrey Hepburn and a set of DVDs. I was so thrilled to find that in a shop as I had never seen anything like it before and she is one of his favourite people. We were lucky enough to meet her many years ago and I took photos of the two of them having a long chat. He got presents his son sent which included some photos which we put in his blue memory book. I left him relaxed and cheerful as the staff were taking him in to have a shower.

They are going to put on a DVD for him later.

Sleep

George needs lots of sleep. He goes to bed about 7.30 at night and I put on a movie for him. He is generally asleep before 8.30.

Something the doctor and I are wondering about is the mini strokes. Obviously George has been having these for many years which is what has caused some of the brain damage. There was never any sign of these which is usual. What is unknown is if he is still having these which is likely. I wonder if the days when the bottom lip is slack if this could be a sign. I suspect this could be so.

At the moment he is very confused and has all sorts of problems. He really has no idea of what is going on.

Doctor visit

Had to take George back to the doctor today she has given him some more medication and taken a urine sample. His blood pressure is extremely low which would explain why he is tired and lethargic but she too, is unsure whether George will improve or whether he is indeed on a rapid downward path.

A nurse came in and changed his day bag. I felt very sorry for her as George had soiled his pants and it was all over the catheter. She cleaned him up and changed him for which I was truly grateful. One less thing for me to do!

How much longer

This morning I had a lot of trouble getting George out of bed. Yesterday George used a walker frame all day. This was his own choosing and just using a walking stick did not seem to be enough. He is now using a chair which belonged to his mother to sit in as it is easier to get in and out of.

The Christmas season is always when crisis situations arise. I am so thankful he is going into respite care for a week.

Today I went in and drained the night bag and took it out and cleaned it. I then went back and it took about 15 to 20 minutes to get George sitting up. He is now in the lounge with me and has had his pill, a coffee and some fresh fruit. He has now been using the walker to go up and down the length of the lounge. He is slowly moving more easily. I will need to try to keep him moving today.