Keeping a close eye on things

George got up during the night to go to the toilet. He must have needed to go and unfortunately this morning I found a trail of wet all along the hall - out with the carpet cleaner again (I am using a lot of carpet cleaner).  He has also left two walking sticks somewhere (I think in shops in Brighton) so I am going to have to check exactly what he takes out and then check him when he comes home again - or gets in the car as was the case today - I didn't think until we got home! He is not at all worried about any of it but I cannot keep replacing things at the rate of knots!! However having said that he does worry about some things for example all his VCRs which can no longer be played.

I have also been worrying all day about taking mum out tomorrow as I do not know what frame of mind she is going to be in.  There are times when you just have to think 'well I can only do so much, I am only one person...'.

Guilt

Mum's visitor yesterday found mum very upset about being in the home and me dumping her there. Unfortunately people with Alzheimer's do not always realise that there is anything wrong with them, Mum certainly doesn't. She wants to be out of there and in her own home, she does not realise that she couldn't cope. It makes you feel very guilty at having put them into a home. She does tell me frequently about dumping her there and that she will never forgive me and while I know that it is emotional blackmail it is very difficult to deal with.  I also have to face the fact that George will reach this stage although I do not know when that will be.

I find it very difficult visiting mum when she is like this as I get quite worked up before I go. While I am with her I am on edge all the time trying to keep the conversation going about all sorts of things ready to try to pacify her when she starts telling me about 'dumping her'. When I leave her I feel worn out which is silly really as I haven't really been doing a great deal. I am also aware that mum has more visitors than most as we have organised that someone goes in to see her or take her out every day so there is not a lot more I can do.

Services

We had a physio here yesterday to look at the home environment to see if she could ensure safety and independence for George. She was quite impressed with what is here in terms of rails etc. She did suggest a walking frame to George but he was horrified and really he is nowhere near that point. She is sending him out a walking stick. She also had him stand up in various poses. She is sending out sometime who is going to show George a series of exercises to do to keep himself mobile. Guess who will have to ensure that he does the exercises daily?

Coffee time

Took mum down to Brighton to the cafe for coffee and a pavlova (with extra cream). George caught a bus and met us there. I have discussed George going on the bus with the doctor who thinks it is a great idea to encourage George to be as independent as possible for as long as possible.

At home George asked which rubbish bins needed to go out. I told him we needed to take the two yellow bins out. He went and started putting a whole lot of stuff into a green bin (for garden rubbish and food scraps) so I had to go and take it all out and sort it into the right bins. In the meantime he didn't take any bins out - I think he had forgotten what he was going to do so we went and he took one down - returning inside to reward himself with a drink, I took the other ones down...

Another doctor visit

Over the weekend I went to see mum. I took the cat in to see her as she had been telling me that the cat had died. She gets very concerned over the cat. However she had a pat on her knee and then lost interest. She was very placid and docile making me think that she had been given a pill but no it was just how she was at that time. You never really know what you are going to find until you get there.

Today George had Mark around to help him with showering and dressing which was good as we were going to the doctor for a flu shot and a B12 shot. When George dresses on his own he often puts his pyjamas back on and then other clothes on top - all sorts of odd combinations. I also took him to the local shopping centre to get a few things and we ran into a friend so went for a coffee - he loves doing this as he always gets himself a toasted egg and bacon sandwich while we are there.

Infections

The home rang last night to let me know that they are treating mum for a urine infection. I had suspected that she had one as she has been very confused. This is a problem for these people and it does lead to a lot of confusion.

Took George out with me to the Alzheimer's society this morning as I have said that I will take others in the car when I am taking him to the memory clinic etc. As soon as we got home he poured himself a drink. I am finding bottles all over the place. Although he knows it does not help his condition he is still drinking a lot.

I guess it is hard if you are not here to understand what is going with people with this disease. When you are talking to them you can often not tell that there is anything wrong. That perception would only last a short time if people were actually with them. It is not easy for those living in other places to face the reality of what is happening.

Wake up call

This morning I heard a lot of noise by my side of the bed (I had been sound asleep and woke up to the noise). George had brought me in a cup of coffee which was a lovely idea only trouble was it was 4 a.m.! I rolled over and looked at the clock. I explained to George what the time was and said that the paper would not be there yet - he already knew as he had been out several times to get it.

Dental plate finished

After several trips to get a new dental plate it was finally completed and paid for - very expensive. Now the challenge will be to see that George cleans and wears it...

George got dressed this morning and was wearing his pyjamas ready to go out. I explained to him that he needed to have a shower and put on other clothes to go out. He did that and then suddenly started to do something else. I had to explain to him again that we were going to get his plate and he needed to put on shoes not slippers. Got that done and I told him to go out to the car while I grabbed some letters to post. Off George went...

I got out to the garage to find George still standing there waiting for me - there was a plastic bag on the passenger's seat.

He now has his plate and is feeling good about that, so here's hoping.

Going out

This morning George and I went to some neighbours for morning tea. We went out to the car. If there is anything on the passenger's seat George will stand there until I remove it for him to sit down. I had a piece of paper on the seat so I removed that and we got into the car. I backed out. I need to go to the toilet says George. OK, I tell him, I will just go down to our house to pick some flowers to take with us. I opened the garage door so he could go back inside. When I got back I asked him if he had been to the toilet but he hadn't as the door was locked. In front of us was the garage door open but he had gone to go in the front door. Got him in to the toilet and then we left.

We had a nice time with the neighbours who are in a similar situation as the husband also has Alzheimer's. However when I told her about George she was telling me that her husband wears a bag. George is not that far down the track yet but I guess it will come.

It is great though to have made this connection as it gives the two of them some social interaction.

As soon as we got home George poured himself another wine. If I don't watch he will pour one early in the morning. The doctor suggested that he limit himself to two a day. George has got around this one by using a large tumbler. As the doctor said to me there is not a lot I can do about it but we can but try to encourage him to drink less.

George has gone for an afternoon sleep which does help with the alcohol consumption...

Mum's birthday

It is interesting that when I went in to see mum at the weekend she was extremely confused. She had been hitting out at staff and continually walking around. We sat quietly and had some food and drink I had taken in. The drink was raspberry which she usually loves but she really wasn't sure what it was. She also told me that her cat had died (it hasn't). All in all just really confused. We think it is one of two things

• urine infection
• excitement from the birthday and all the visitors etc

I will see how she is this week.

George is very slow at the moment and seems to feel the cold. He never goes outside without a hat and gloves on - even on a very hot day. He also likes to wear thermal underwear. Mum often complains of cold too so it seems to be something that some of them get.