Living in the past

Today, when I went in to see George he was sitting at the table just about to start his lunch. I said 'Hi, how are you today?'. For the first time he said 'who are you?'. During the entire time I was with him he had no idea who I was. He said that he was expecting someone to come to see him as he had just arrived in Christchurch from Invercargill. He had driven up. This actually happened in 1960. However at the time he was married with a young son. He did not have any knowledge of those slight details. He was excited about his new job at the Press newspaper. He asked my name so I said 'Diane'. He said that I must be a nice person. I then thought and said 'Kewpie' which is what he has always called me. 'That's a strange name' was the reply. He mentioned he had a 'best friend'. I said 'Ron'. He was thrilled, 'you know him too'. After I replied in the affirmative we had an animated discussion about Ron, mainly him doing the talking. At various times I called him JK and Glassy. He was thrilled and recognised his own nicknames. He wondered he had called him Glassy. I told him I thought it was Scott. He wasn't sure who Scott was but thought he was a little boy. He really appreciated me helping him getting his lunch on his spoon making it easier to eat. All in all things went pretty well I guess. As usual George was the perfect gentleman. At no time did I try to tell him who I was, he was so happy just being in that time frame.

Many people in this situation just say, 'oh he/she doesn't recognise me any more' and use this as an excuse not to visit. I don't agree at all. We just went with it as though his reality was reality. He was happy as Larry to discuss all that was happening. He was happy in the moment and that is what it is all about, Having the best quality of life we can give them. Go with the flow.

Be interesting to see what decade we are in tomorrow. 

Family visit

Last weekend was a long weekend here. George's son lives in Auckland. He came down for the weekend to see George. He came over on the Sunday afternoon and took him out for a couple of hours. George was thrilled and has been telling people all about it ever since. It meant a lot to him. The contact with family is really important for these people with Alzheimer's. At present George is still able to carry on quite a conversation (admittedly there are good days and bad days) but how long he will be able to is anybody's guess. It is important for the families too that they make the most of the time they have with the person.

I remember at George's mother's funeral someone there was in tears. George spoke to him for a long time about his problem. It was about this man's relationship with his father and how he had not bothered to be there for celebrations (e.g. special birthdays or Christmas) even though he knew his father desperately wished for him to be there. It is so sad if people are left with a feeling that they could have/should have done more. I remember that not long before my father died my son spend many days sitting watching cricket and talking to his grandfather. I know that this time meant a lot to both of them.

Live every day as it comes and make that time to show your parents that you care. Surprise them with a visit at Christmas time or a special birthday. Spend time with them.

Routine

I find that the easiest way to cope is to have life in a routine. Not that that means much to George as he has no idea what is happening each day nor does he have any idea about what day it is until I tell him. I have learnt not to tell him in advance as he has no idea of time and if I tell him about something tomorrow he thinks it will happen in the near future (i.e. in a few minutes or at least later in the day).

I was speaking to someone else whose father is in the same home as Mum. Before he went into the home she had suggested that he leave his home and live with her. He agreed to this. She was leaving on a 10 day holiday at this time and they decided that he would move in sometime after she returned. She was thinking several weeks or even months however he had a suitcase packed the next day ready and this continued while she was away (she has a lot of other family members here who were going out to check on him daily). As soon as she returned she realised that she needed to have him live with her straight away which he did willingly. Unfortunately he straight away became more and more confused with the unfamiliar surroundings to the point where he needed to go into a home (this was in a really short space of time).

These people need familiar surroundings and routine to help them feel less confused. The world must be a very confusing place for them.

My poor mother continues to deteriorate and it is hard to see much quality of life left for her, it is heart-breaking to watch.

Another funeral

Poor George; one of his best friends died on Friday - early hours of the morning. They had been friends for over 60 years.

Saturday morning; got ready for the funeral.
Sunday morning; got ready for the funeral.
Monday morning; got ready for the funeral.

The funeral is Tuesday afternon. He just gets so confused and then it does not matter how many times you tell him he still goes back to whatever he thought. For example this morning I had to stop him having a shower before the caregiver arrived. He was convinced he was going to the funeral today. No matter how many times he was told he insisted on putting on a white shirt and tie. He kept telling me all day that he is going to the funeral today. I keep telling him it is tomorrow. Half an hour later we start again...

I find this a difficult disease to work out; George's memory in most ways is not too bad and he can carry out a good conversation at this stage. His cognitive skills are rapidly declining however.

Time

Poor George.

On Thursday he found that a former work colleague had died. The funeral is on Monday and I am away working for the day. I organised with someone else to take him. We went over this several times.

Friday morning he spoke about the funeral so several times I explained that it was not being held for several days yet. He got out a white shirt and tie to wear when his caregiver came. I explained again. He still put on the white shirt, tie and a hat. I took him down to Brighton for coffee and also explained (I am not sure how many times) that the funeral was not that day.

Saturday he repeated similar things all day despite me going over about when the funeral is. In the afternoon I found him sitting on the bed with a very unhappy look on his face. I asked what the matter was:

"no body took me to the funeral"

He was quite upset so we had to go over it again.

Today (Sunday) he keeps going back to be for half an hour thinking that it is bedtime. I have explained since early this morning about what is happening tomorrow and I have written it all out on a piece of paper which seems to give him a sense of security.

Time confusion

My sister has been staying for a week to see mum and take her out. She went home which meant that I had to take her to the airport at an early hour for an early flight. George woke up after I got home and he was complaining of a sore stomach. I got him to the toilet and then he went back to bed. He got up an hour later and seemed OK. His carer arrived and he had a shower and got dressed. In the early afternoon he was nodding off so I suggested he go and have a nap on the bed which he did. When he woke up he thought it was the morning and for the next three hours kept saying things like:

Will I have a shower now
I will have my cornflakes now

I kept on explaining that it was now night time but there was no way he would believe me. In the end I went to bed and eventually he followed!!

Time

George is gradually going downhill. He asks, at least 10 times a day, what the day is - I have it written on the white board for him but have to remind him every time to go there to check. He does not understand what has happened to time he tells me. He keeps asking if it is Christmas Day; this is because of all the signs of Christmas in shops and streets. Time is a real problem for him.

Something I find is that although he can be left alone I need to realise I will come home to a mess. Mind you that also happens at night as I tend to go to bed to watch TV. I have to get up when he goes to bed as he can no longer turn the TV off.

Going out

I had to meet a student at 12 midday yesterday. George had Julie, a carer, coming to take him out at 1.00 p.m. Before I left I went over this with him several times and also put it on the whiteboard.

I got home at 1.30 p.m. to find George had gone - I thought with Julie. A couple of minutes later Julie arrived. She had been in earlier and found no one home so had come back.  We had a cup of coffee while we waited. I had to assume that he had taken himself down to Brighton but was not sure.

He arrived home at 3.30 - he had been to Brighton. He told me he waited until 1.30 and Julie hadn't arrived so he went to Brighton. He has no idea of time - Julie came before this time and I got home at 1.30.

This is a real worry as I am not too sure where he is. If he continues to do this sort of thing it is going to be increasingly difficult to leave him on his own.

Soiling

Last night George soiled himself again. He had on a pad but got it all over the floor in the toilet and on his slippers. I have a lot of cleaning to do today, just what I need. This is a real problem. I have some pills for when he has loose bowels and will be giving him these. He does not appear to be quick enough to get himself to the toilet in time and then it gets on the floor of the toilet where he stands in it and takes it into other rooms.

He is having a lot of trouble telling the time of day. Today, at 11 a.m. he came out and asked if he had on appropriate attire for bed; he thought it was time to go to bed.  He has little idea of what day of the week it is but that is understandable when someone is retired although he constantly asks and I constantly tell him. It is an awful disease as he has great recall in most other ways. He is keeping up with his exercises but does very little else. That is what is so good about the Harakeke club where he is interacting with others.

People's reactions

It took me some time to convince mum's friend to come to visit her today. She could only spend 'half an hour' as she needed to go shopping (she had also spent all day yesterday shopping). It is certainly interesting the people too who do not contact George at all. I guess some family and friends of mum and George don't want to know and think that by not seeing or contacting them they don't have to confront it. It is such as shame as both of them can still recognise people and have a reasonable conversation. George of course is still able to carry on a great conversation - he loves doing so.

Tonight he put out some wine glasses and I asked why - it was for some friends who are coming round tomorrow which I explained. The next thing he had gone and changed ready to go out for lunch (I was getting tea ready) - I had to explain that we were going out for lunch tomorrow and that it was now tea time. He had no idea of the day or time.

Birthday

George enjoyed his birthday. He liked the cards and presents although one present hasn't arrived. I managed to get a copy of Casablanca which is in the mail - it is one of his favourites. For the day I gave him two T shirts and some Frank Sinatra movies (DVD).  He loved watching an e-card sent to him by his sister in law, on the computer and his sister, in England, sent him some books.

He also decided to go to Brighton for a hair cut late in the day and luckily he was able to get one.
Frequently when I am trying to get a meal he will come and stand at the bench making himself something to eat, like toast. Even though I tell him I am getting tea he continues to eat and so often takes a long time eating his tea... Last night when I told him that I was getting tea he looked surprised and wanted to know what the time was. I told him it was nearly six and time for the News. He thought it was still morning.

This morning he was making a coffee and put the hot water into the coffee jar instead of the coffee cups!!