Families

My mother was a strong woman and a matriarch in our family. Her wish was that all of her daughter's would always there for each other and that they would always have each other's backs.  When I was looking after her Mum used to ask me if my sisters looked after me like that too. Ofcourse at this stage Mum was suffering from dementia. She herself was an only child and I am sure that she would have loved to have a sibling. It is so sad when you hear about siblings 'ganging up' against one of the siblings. I have always believed that blood is thicker than water but unfortunately this does not seem to always be the case. Nurture family relationships as they are important. This is especially important when there is an elderly parent or other family member in care. Naturally due to various circumstances (such as work commitments or geographical locations) one of the siblings will be the main carer. Be kind to this person, support them and remember how they are taking the main load of everyone's responsibility. One of the groups I go to for carers have spoken about how some of them feel isolated due to feeling 'on the outer' by their siblings. It is really important for everyone to work together so they can achieve the best quality of life for their loved one.

I know Mum would have been thrilled to know that two of her grandchildren were there for the celebration of her life. One of her grandchildren also put a lovely tribute to her on her Facebook page.  That would have meant a lot to Mum to know how these two felt about her.

Neurological conditions

On the News last night they pointed to eleven hundred neurological conditions, none of which have a known cure. Rather frightening. Here they are using boxing classes to help those with Parkinson's disease. One man said that while he didn't expect to live longer he expected to have a better quality of life. It is known that all exercise helps any of these diseases and therefore anything that can help is to be encouraged.

Politics

My goodness so much going on in the world today; Britain has left the EU, Australia can't work out who will be the next government, in the US Donald Trump is taken as a serious contender for President.

Here, in New Zealand, we are a small country in the south of the Southern Hemisphere. What happens in other countries throughout the world effects us. We rely on exports and imports. We only have just over 4 million people here so what happens in other countries is important to us.

I tell George about what is going on. Now he is not capable of any understanding of what is going on. Sometimes I think this is a good way to be. Don't know what is going on and don't care! I guess there are also plenty of people who are like this who do not suffer from dementia. I am reminded of the Hawaiian saying 'don't worry, be happy'. A great mantra for all of us.

I took George some new shoes today. They have a well cushioned sole which I am hoping will help with his mobility.

Watch this space...

Mobility

George's mobility is certainly not as good as it was when he went into the home. Even with the walker he will only go short distances. At the moment he prefers to sit and chat. He loves chocolate milkshakes so I have been taking them into him. It is important that he drinks a lot as he seems to be getting urinary infections. These make people more confused. Mum was the same.

I have found that I am as busy as ever. Going to see George each day takes a considerable chunk out of the day. I am also looking at stuff for the flat such as colour schemes. I am bring home plenty of fliers to try to sort out a few things. I have ordered some things such as a bath and shower. Many people here don't have a bath but there are times when I enjoy one.

I got George some handles to use in the shower. These are held on by suction and are really fantastic. Another carer told me about them and I was skeptical but put two up in the shower and then held on with all my weight and they supported me, no trouble. They are really great. In fact the builder I have was suitably impressed and also wants some!

Doing his own thing

George has always lived his life to the beat of his own drum. He has always been very slow doing things, he has been rarely on time for anything and he refuses to be hurried. Several decades ago I worked out strategies to get around these idiosyncrasies. I always told him that we had to somewhere at an earlier time than we needed to be somewhere. I NEVER tried to to get him to be quicker - if I did he went slower...

His son always said the only times he was on time was for planes and trains because they won't wait.

He is now training the people in the home. Certainly it is in different ways but he gets up when he wants to get up not at a time that is convenient for anyone else. If the caregiver tries to get him to be quicker while he is having his shower he goes slower and will complain that this or that is sore. 

Yesterday, after they had tried to hurry him he just moved slower and slower with difficulty. They took him to the lounge in a wheelchair - who won that round. I arrived not long afterwards and his mobility was fine! 

One way or another he still goes to the beat of his own drum.

Sometimes you have to laugh

I have been going to a group for people who have just put someone into care in a home. I have met some of these people previously at other courses.

Today was the last day of this course but we are going to meet together as it is really good to talk to people who are walking in similar shoes, others may think they know what it is like but the reality is that they don't.

One of the women, Jane, has put her husband into a home. He loves it and thinks it is a hotel. That is lovely but the downside of this is he regularly accuses her (in front of everyone) of running a brothel so she can pay for the 'hotel'. As I said to her today, maybe I need to work for her to help pay for George's care. 

It is good to be able to laugh at things.

Out we go

George was not dressed when I got to his home today. The carer gave him a shower while I had a coffee and did the sudoku in the morning paper. I must say the carers are very efficient. One of the carers had broken his brush. Another carer has lost the blades out of his electric razor (these are very expensive). I must say that many of the carers just put the broken things away and do not mention when they are broken, very annoying.

As soon as George was ready we got ready and left. I made arrangements for his lunch to be held for him.

George asked how I knew how to open the main door. I told him I was magic! He liked that. He was able to open the car door and get into the car without any help. As we were going down the road the first thing he did was open the jar of peppermints to get a couple. I have always kept a jar in the car for George and Mum and it has always been the first thing they do when they get into the car.

We went to a local mall where he had a milkshake and a bowl of chips. He throughly enjoyed them. I asked if he enjoyed going out.

'It's spooky' was the reply.

Despite further questioning I am not too sure what he meant.

I bought a new hair brush for him while we were there.

When we got back I settled him for lunch.

He had a lovely time but I expect he was pretty tired after his outing.

Going out helps to give a quality of life.

Sweet tooth

Something I have found with both Mum and George is that developed a sweet tooth. Mum always enjoyed a wide variety of foods while George always preferred savoury foods. After developing Alzheimer's both developed a real sweet tooth.

I was reminded of this yesterday when another wife visited her husband. She promised to take him out for an ice cream on Wednesday, he just loves going out for that ice cream.

I always have chocolate with me. Mum and George both love sucking on chocolate. Don't know how many cakes of chocolate I go through but it is a fair few.

I have always ensured that they have plenty of fizzy drinks such as lemonade and ginger beer. In addition to the juice the home gives them this keeps the fluid intake up. Both have been prone to urinary tract infections so this is important.

While Mum was borderline diabetic frankly I didn't take much notice of that. She loved going out for coffee and pavlova.

Quality of life...

Seeing the dementia person as a 'real' person

Today George and I read one of his books and talked about all the memories this brought back.

I scanned many photos which I have used to publish books for both Mum and George. The first book I published was for Mum. I didn't put in that book who all the different people were so really I was the only person who could use that book with her. One of my nieces wanted that book. I made both Mum and George large 100 page books. Before putting the pictures into the book I put the photo into PowerPoint then used text boxes to put on each name, I then grouped everything and saved it as one picture to put in the book. This meant that they could read the names themselves or others could point out who the people were. When I put the pictures into the book I would often also add a caption. These published books are high quality and there are many companies on the web where you can go to make these books.

This photo shows Mum's grandparents, her mother (Rose) and her uncles and aunts. 

I have found too that staff in the homes love these books. Seeing these makes staff (according to the research) view the residents differently. Another thing that helps this process is telling staff small anecdotes about your loved one's life. The research points to these residents being treated better.

Ups and downs

i find that George is constantly up and down. On Tuesday and Wednesday this week he was so lucid and then the last two days very confused and sleepy. I am really reticent to take him out at the moment as he is so slow and frail when walking. I am wondering whether just to take him for a drive to feed the ducks when he doesn't need to get out of the car.

Today I bought a big Boston bun and a pineapple sponge car for them all to have for afternoon tea.

As I have told the nurse there 'quality is more important than quantity'. I just want George to have the best quality of life that is possible. I also felt the same for Mum as was known in her Home and I also did the best I could to ensure this happened.