Messages for caregivers

1. Take care of yourself: Providing care for a family member at the expense of your own health or relationships with family does not benefit anyone including the person needing the care.
2. Maintain contact with friends and involvement in outside activities: This is critical for your well-being. Studies show that sacrificing oneself in the care of another and/or removing pleasurable events from one's life can lead to emotional exhaustion, depression and physical illness for you. Don't get to the stage where you have been so wrapped up in caregiving that you become 'all used up' and without a life separate from caregiving
3. Caregiving to adults is more stressful than childrearing: with an infant a person can look forward to the child's independence. With elder caregiving the prognosis is for decline and increasing dependence not recovery. It is also difficult to predict how long the caregiving will be needed.
4. It is OK not to love (or like) the person who needs care: not all older family members are likeable or loveable as they move into some diseases
5. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, inadequacy or failure: knowing your personal limits and reaching out for assistance is characteristic of a strong individual and family unit. This also helps to ensure quality care for the relative.
6. You have a right to set limits and say 'no': trying to do it all or to do it alone makes you physically and emotionally exhausted
7. Begin taking regular breaks early in caregiving - it is not selfish: Breaks from the demands of caregiving are a must. Respite breaks helps both parties as you are likely to be more loving and less exhausted after a break
8. Make decisions based on both your needs and the family members needs: decisions need to be based on the needs of both not on the basis of the needs and desires of the older person
9. Moving a family member to a care facility can be a loving step to take: moving to a home does not end the caring relationship. When you are no longer devoting your time to meeting physical and safety needs you will be better able to meet their emotional and social needs. Meeting these needs adds immensely to a person's quality of life
10. Focus on what you have done well - and forgive yourself: Too often you may only focus on what you have not done. Remind yourself of the many things you are doing well. Not everything will be as you want it to be and there will be times when you wish you had done things differently. Learn from mistakes and move on.

Adapted from : Schmall and Stiehl (1987)

I try to remember these messages but it is not always possible. Main thing is just to do the best you can for yourself and others under your care.