Death

Two people from Mum's home have died in the last fortnight. One, had no near relatives (his wife had died earlier) and some old neighbours had his EPA and visited him regularly. He was often upset and would sit and cry. The other was an attractive woman with four children. I met two of them visiting their mother. One of these was a son who had returned from overseas last year when he knew that his mother's days were numbered. He made the decision to stay here for as 'long as it took'. The children went in at tea time to encourage her to eat her meal. Having all her children here had really given her a boost (she had been extremely close to death a year ago). I was in the day before and she sat at the table with mum and I always gave her chocolate and had a chat. She was just the same that day and went to sleep that night and did not wake up. Certainly a lovely way to go for her.

The big thing is that her children know that they all did as much as they possibly could and were there for her. I am sure that they have no regrets. I know that when my father died I was so pleased I was with him and had been holding his hand when he went to sleep.

 I know that often mum doesn't know whether I am there or not but I would feel guilty if I did not go in and that was a day when she did know. I think it is important that people do what they can so that they know that they did what they could. However having said that I know that I will always carry the guilt of putting her into the home even though I do know that it was my only option at the time. Frankly putting her into a home had never crossed my mind as I thought that I had organised things so that would never have to happen.

Now I am in the unenviable position of having to do the same thing sometime in the future with George.