Official

Well it is official, George has been diagnosed with dementia from mixed vascular and Alzheimer's. I know that I have thought that is what is going on but it is official now. The Alzheimer's Society person rang and they are coming round next week.

Although he has been a 'word smith' all his life he is losing words very quickly now - this has been very sudden and certainly not something I would have expected. He looks to me to supply the right word for him. I always wonder if by doing things for him (or for mum) and I enabling them to 'opt out' and would it be better to make them do more for themselves??

Visitor

Yesterday we had a visitor and George was fine for most of the visit. Just before the person left (at about 1.30 pm) George left the room. He came back with his dressing gown on. I asked him what he was doing and he said that he was 'getting ready to go to a function'. The 'function' is tonight!!

Update

George is still packing regularly and still asking if he can do something - he thinks he might be going to Auckland tomorrow. However the rugby world cup is keeping him occupied, he watches the games and the replays. He is able to tell you all the moves made during the game so there is nothing wrong with his memory regarding the rugby.

I am finding it increasingly important to remind him to shower - I am sure he would just go for a week without one if I didn't get on to him.

He does try to help but finds it very difficult. He 'makes' the bed each day. I make it properly before I go to bed as he just pulls the cover over everything...

Mum is going down hill. She can get aggressive with staff members who try to tell her what to do. Not physically aggressive but verbally. She was very upset with a staff member when I went in over the weekend and it took me some considerable time to calm her down. Older people don't like being told what to do. There are better ways to get them to co operate e.g. would you like to ... for example.

Clothes

Put on his track pants yesterday - inside out. I told him that he had them on inside out and he said it didn't matter. Today he came out and said 'I've got them on the right way now' - they were still inside out but round the other way!!

Dishes

Poor George is trying so hard to help. The other day I had to go out briefly. When I got home I found him taking dishes out of the dishwasher and starting to stack them. I explained that we needed to put the dishes back in the dishwasher as they had not been washed. We did this - there were only a few dishes in there.

I went to do some work outside and the next thing George has the dishwasher going to wash the few dishes that were in there.

going again...

This morning George got up and took his case out to the lounge. When I asked him why he said to get packed for Auckland. I explained again that he is not going for over a month and not to worry about packing yet.

mum

Mum has not been good over the last few weeks with a chest infection. The antibiotics that the doctor has been giving her have also made her more confused than usual.

She has been feeling very upset and doesn't want to be in the home. She wants to die and frequently says she is going to commit suicide. She wants me to be in there with her all the time and has said that when I 'dumped' her in the home I should have stayed there with her and we should both be there.

This makes it very difficult for everyone however you can certainly understand how these people feel. It must be very difficult trying to made sense of their world.

Deaths this year

This year we have had a difficult year due to the earthquakes and during winter, snow storms. When the big earthquake struck many rest homes were badly hit and the residents had to be moved out, many right out of the city. There are still not enough beds for the elderly here and so more money is being channeled into trying to keep them in their own homes.

In this mornings paper was an article discussing some research that has been done about the residents who were moved out of the rest homes. Of those people 1 in 5 have died this year.

A fifth of rest-home residents evacuated from Christchurch after the February earthquake have died, health board figures show.

By last week, 104 people out of 520 residents moved because of damage to their Christchurch rest homes had died.

Of those, 54 had been moved to homes outside Christchurch, including some in the lower North Island. Fifty were moved within the region.

I wonder if the number of deaths in rest homes this year is greater than usual.

Day to day living

Most of the time George is OK at the present time. He tends to go through papers and make lists a lot - that keeps him occupied for ages.

He enjoys watching the World Cup rugby.

I need to keep asking him about having a shower otherwise he would not have one for days.

On Friday night we had friends around for the evening - it was lovely to see them. George would take some food from the plate and then put it back down. I would then put the food on his plate.

Doctor visit

Took George to the doctor today. As his usual doctor is away he saw the other doctor in the surgery. This doctor suggested that he be assessed at the hospital. This is a big weight off my mind as it now means that they will do tests to see just what is going on. We talked about how confused he is becoming. The doctor asked him what happened a year ago. He talked about a war and also about the 1981 All Black tour but not about the earthquakes which happened a year ago yesterday!!

I contacted our lawyer regarding EPAs - luckily we do have these both for property and also care and well being. It is important to have both. We had them so that each one of us could care for the other if the need arose. With the circumstances changing I now need to make new ones for one of the children to be able to take over for me if the need arises.

Doctor

Took George to the doctor. I saw the doctor recently to let him know about George's problems.

The doctor took his blood pressure and it is very high. George is to go for a blood test tomorrow. The doctor explained that George's confusion could be caused by his high blood pressure as well as the stresses we have all been under with the earthquakes. I am not convinced but we will see.

Enduring Power of Attorney

After visiting mum at the home I went to a meeting for families that the home was running. This week the topic was about Enduring Power of Attorneys. I was fascinated with all the different questions/topics that were asked by the other families.

• One person was acting for her aunt and wanted to know what would happen if she died before the aunt - goes to court where someone is appointed by the court
• One woman was in conflict with her step daughter over the finances - her own superannuation was being taken into account as part of their assets regarding payment to the home

Certainly the thing that came through was the fact that it is so important for everyone to have an enduring power of attorney in case of all sorts of things not just dementia. I have emailed our solicitor to make an appointment to get ours done asap!!

Time means little

Today I rang the doctor to make an appointment for George and me to go to see him so we can discuss whether George is displaying some of the symptoms of dementia. We have an appointment on Thursday at 10.30 a.m. I told George when we were going:

"Will I be back by then?"

I asked where he was going and he replied that he was going to Auckland. I asked him when he was going and he did know it was 5th November. I then got him to look at the date of today's paper - August 29th. I then had to show him, on a calendar, how he was not going to Auckland for some time.

He is fine when he is directed to do something or he is doing things which he does regularly.

I was away...

I spent two nights away so before I went I got things organised for George's meals. I put meals in the fridge to be heated. I made him go over and over how to work the microwave. We practised it many times. He also wanted to watch the rugby game on Saturday night. Again we practised how to turn the TV on (using the TV remote) and then use the Sky remote to change the channel.

I came home. He had put a meal in the microwave (well done), turned it on (well done) but couldn’t remember how to get it out – it was still in there when I got home this afternoon. Luckily I had also left out bread, crackers, cheese etc. so he was not hungry. The TV he had managed to turn on and then had obviously used the TV channels so then was unable to change the Sky channels – it goes to a different source.

I also had a lot of cleaning up to do from the mess around the place.

Once more he had a case out and packed ready for his trip to Auckland in two months. I asked why and he told me, I asked if he remembered it was not for two months - yes he had. I asked if he planned to wear undies or PJ’s during the two months – yes he did and so he then put those back in the drawers.

Repeat performance

This morning George came out with his suitcase. I asked him if he was going somewhere. 'Auckland' he replied. When I asked him when he was going he told me it was tomorrow. I asked if he knew what date he was going and he told me 5 November (so he remembered that from yesterday) I then said what is the date today - he had just got the paper so he was able to tell me the correct date. He was still unable to figure out that he was not going to Auckland tomorrow! I went over how it was another two months - saying the alphabet so hopefully he may remember that.

In the afternoon an old cousin came to visit as he was over from Australia. George is passionate about rugby and is still able to discuss the players and teams and games in depth. He remembers games from the 50s until the present day. He is able to discuss how the various players have played in any of the games, their strengths and their weaknesses. However at the moment they are playing in a TriNations series and George is unable to comprehend that these games are not part of the World Cup.

Confusion

I visited my mother today. Another one of her cousin's came too and we took her out to a cafe for a coffee and a muffin. She enjoyed her time there and the three of us talked about the family at the time of her childhood. She is able to recognise us and her long term memory is often pretty good. Her short term memory changes.

As we went back to the home she became very upset and kept saying about 'being dumped there', how she hated it there. how she did not like anyone there and so it went on. When we arrived back at the home she stamped her foot and said 'and now I'll be here for another --- year!'!! We calmed her down and got her back inside. It is not easy when she gets so upset. I try to distract her but sometimes this does not work for a while.

A week ago I booked some flights to Auckland to see some of the family. George and I did this together. We have booked a flight for him at the beginning of November (for a week) and I am going up this coming weekend (two nights). Since then he has asked twice about when his trip is and I have told him and explained that it is not for another two months.

Yesterday morning George wandered out with a stack of clothes. I was not too sure why he was doing this and so I asked him about it, he was packing. I explained that the trip is two months away so there is no need to pack yet - still he has left that stack on the floor in the bedroom so he is 'ready'. I find it easier to let him do things like this which he seems to need to do.

During the day he spends hours pouring over old sporting books and making lists about old players. He is passionate about rugby and looking forward to the World Cup but cannot make sense of why the games being played at the moment are not part of the World Cup. I keep explaining that the World Cup hasn't started yet and there is about 20 days to go! We have this same conversation most days....

At the start...

When did this start? I am not too sure about that however I feel sure that George is in the early stages of dementia (maybe Alzheimer's). He has not been to a doctor about this yet.

Last year my elderly mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Until then I had little idea about this disease. I planned to take care of her at home (and had planned to start this blog then) but unfortunately this became too much and she had to go into a home this year.  She does not like the home at all and is certainly lucid enough to know that and let you know about it. I visit her at least twice a week to take her out and I have other people visiting as well so she gets visitors every day.

This year we have had the earthquakes which has not helped with anything like this but I must admit thinking at the time 'thank God Mum is in the home, I don't know how I could have coped with that as well as everything else'. I knew she was safe and well cared for. She had only been in the Home for a month when the earthquake hit...

Since the earthquake George has slowly started to show some of these signs.

• two weeks ago we were in Brisbane. We left the apartment building to go to some groceries. Not far into our walk (around the corner) George was finding it tough going. We were outside a tavern which advertised lunches. I suggested to him to go in and have lunch with a wine and wait for me. When I got back he had left. I got back to the apartment and he was not there either. I wondered where to go looking for him. There was a knock on the door and a woman had brought George home. He had gone to the wrong apartment building and she had rung around to find where he was staying! He did not know why he hadn't waited.
• Two months ago his car was 'stolen'. Five weeks later the thieves put the car in another car park ( he saw it). I took him to check the car out. It had not been stolen in the first place he had just parked it in a different car park.

This is my journey as a caregiver for my mother.

This is also my blog about George's journey into another world and the journey of the caregiver - me!

I hope that it may be of use to others in the same position.

George is not his real name.